http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3001703/Another-mom-never-replaced-father-lost-Woman-raised-lesbian-moms-comes-against-gay-marriage.html
"I loved my mom’s partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost.
Gay community, I am your daughter. My mom raised me with her same-sex partner back in the ’80s & ’90s. She & my dad were married for a little while. She knew she was gay before they got married, but things were different back then. That’s how I got here. It was complicated as you can imagine. She left him when I was 2 or 3 because she wanted a chance to be happy with someone she really loved: a woman.
My dad wasn’t a great guy, & after she left him he didn’t bother coming around anymore.
Do you remember that book, “Heather Has 2 Mommies”? That was my life. My mom, her partner, & I lived in a cozy little house in the ‘burbs of a very liberal & open-minded area. Her partner treated me as if I was her own daughter. Along with my mom’s partner, I also inherited her tight-knit community of gay friends. Or maybe they inherited me?
Either way, I still feel like gay people are my people. I’ve learned so much from you. You taught me how to be brave, especially when it is hard. You taught me empathy. You taught me how to listen. And how to dance. You taught me not be afraid of things that are different. And you taught me how to stand up for myself, even if that means I stand alone. I’m writing to you because I’m letting myself out of the closet: I don’t support gay marriage. But it might not be for the reasons that you think.
Children Need a Mother & Father
It’s not because you’re gay. I love you, so much. It’s because of the nature of the same-sex relationship itself.
Growing up, & even into my 20s, I supported & advocated for gay marriage. It’s only with some time & distance from my childhood that I’m able to reflect on my experiences & recognize the long-term consequences that same-sex parenting had on me. And it’s only now, as I watch my children loving & being loved by their father each day, that I can see the beauty & wisdom in traditional marriage & parenting.
Same-sex marriage & parenting withholds either a mother or father from a child while telling him or her that it doesn’t matter. That it’s all the same. But it’s not. A lot of us, a lot of your kids, are hurting. My father’s absence created a huge hole in me, & I ached every day for a dad. I loved my mom’s partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost.
I grew up surrounded by women who said they didn’t need or want a man. Yet, as a little girl, I so desperately wanted a daddy. It is a strange & confusing thing to walk around with this deep-down unquenchable ache for a father, for a man, in a community that says that men are unnecessary. There were times I felt so angry with my dad for not being there for me, & then times I felt angry with myself for even wanting a father to begin with. There are parts of me that still grieve over that loss today.
I’m not saying that you can’t be good parents. You can. I had one of the best. I’m also not saying that being raised by straight parents means everything will turn out okay. We know there are so many different ways that the family unit can break down & cause kids to suffer: divorce, abandonment, infidelity, abuse, death, etc. But by & large, the best & most successful family structure is one in which kids are being raised by both their mother & father.
Why Can’t Gay People’s Kids Be Honest?
Gay marriage doesn’t just redefine marriage, but also parenting. It promotes & normalizes a family structure that necessarily denies us something precious & foundational. It denies us something we need & long for, while at the same time tells us that we don’t need what we naturally crave. That we will be okay. But we’re not. We’re hurting.
Kids of divorced parents are allowed to say, “Hey, mom & dad, I love you, but the divorce crushed me & has been so hard. It shattered my trust & made me feel like it was my fault. It is so hard living in 2 different houses.” Kids of adoption are allowed to say, “Hey, adoptive parents, I love you. But this is really hard for me. I suffer because my relationship with my first parents was broken. I’m confused & I miss them, even though I’ve never met them.”
But children of same-sex parents haven’t been given the same voice. It’s not just me. There are so many of us. Many of us are too scared to speak up & tell you about our hurt & pain, because for whatever reason it feels like you’re not listening. That you don’t want to hear. If we say we are hurting because we were raised by same-sex parents, we are either ignored or labeled a ‘hater.’
This isn’t about hate at all. I know you understand the pain of a label that doesn’t fit, & the pain of a label that is used to malign or silence you. And I know that you really have been hated & that you really have been hurt. I was there, at the marches, when they held up signs that said, “God hates fags” & “AIDS cures homosexuality.” I cried & turned hot with anger right there in the street with you. But that’s not me. That’s not us.
I know this is a hard conversation. But we need to talk about it. If anyone can talk about hard things, it’s us. You taught me that.!"
Speaking to Christian publication World, Barwick said she only found healing for her 'father wound' after she began attending church with her future husband.
'It really wasn't until I came to Christ that I felt that burden lifted off of me. And I'm not bitter. I'm not angry,' she said. 'I forgive my dad.'
Barwick said there had been long-term consequences to going up with two mothers.
'I'm not gay, but the relationship that was modeled before me was a woman loving a woman. So I've struggled as an adult figuring out how to be in a relationship with my husband.'
Barwick is also one of six people raised by gay parents who signed a public letter of support this week for designers Dolce & Gabbana following their controversial statements about gay parents.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3001703/Another-mom-never-replaced-father-lost-Woman-raised-lesbian-moms-comes-against-gay-marriage.html#ixzz3UsWHX4bo Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook--
"I loved my mom’s partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost.
Gay community, I am your daughter. My mom raised me with her same-sex partner back in the ’80s & ’90s. She & my dad were married for a little while. She knew she was gay before they got married, but things were different back then. That’s how I got here. It was complicated as you can imagine. She left him when I was 2 or 3 because she wanted a chance to be happy with someone she really loved: a woman.
My dad wasn’t a great guy, & after she left him he didn’t bother coming around anymore.
Do you remember that book, “Heather Has 2 Mommies”? That was my life. My mom, her partner, & I lived in a cozy little house in the ‘burbs of a very liberal & open-minded area. Her partner treated me as if I was her own daughter. Along with my mom’s partner, I also inherited her tight-knit community of gay friends. Or maybe they inherited me?
Either way, I still feel like gay people are my people. I’ve learned so much from you. You taught me how to be brave, especially when it is hard. You taught me empathy. You taught me how to listen. And how to dance. You taught me not be afraid of things that are different. And you taught me how to stand up for myself, even if that means I stand alone. I’m writing to you because I’m letting myself out of the closet: I don’t support gay marriage. But it might not be for the reasons that you think.
Children Need a Mother & Father
It’s not because you’re gay. I love you, so much. It’s because of the nature of the same-sex relationship itself.
Growing up, & even into my 20s, I supported & advocated for gay marriage. It’s only with some time & distance from my childhood that I’m able to reflect on my experiences & recognize the long-term consequences that same-sex parenting had on me. And it’s only now, as I watch my children loving & being loved by their father each day, that I can see the beauty & wisdom in traditional marriage & parenting.
Same-sex marriage & parenting withholds either a mother or father from a child while telling him or her that it doesn’t matter. That it’s all the same. But it’s not. A lot of us, a lot of your kids, are hurting. My father’s absence created a huge hole in me, & I ached every day for a dad. I loved my mom’s partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost.
I grew up surrounded by women who said they didn’t need or want a man. Yet, as a little girl, I so desperately wanted a daddy. It is a strange & confusing thing to walk around with this deep-down unquenchable ache for a father, for a man, in a community that says that men are unnecessary. There were times I felt so angry with my dad for not being there for me, & then times I felt angry with myself for even wanting a father to begin with. There are parts of me that still grieve over that loss today.
I’m not saying that you can’t be good parents. You can. I had one of the best. I’m also not saying that being raised by straight parents means everything will turn out okay. We know there are so many different ways that the family unit can break down & cause kids to suffer: divorce, abandonment, infidelity, abuse, death, etc. But by & large, the best & most successful family structure is one in which kids are being raised by both their mother & father.
Why Can’t Gay People’s Kids Be Honest?
Gay marriage doesn’t just redefine marriage, but also parenting. It promotes & normalizes a family structure that necessarily denies us something precious & foundational. It denies us something we need & long for, while at the same time tells us that we don’t need what we naturally crave. That we will be okay. But we’re not. We’re hurting.
Kids of divorced parents are allowed to say, “Hey, mom & dad, I love you, but the divorce crushed me & has been so hard. It shattered my trust & made me feel like it was my fault. It is so hard living in 2 different houses.” Kids of adoption are allowed to say, “Hey, adoptive parents, I love you. But this is really hard for me. I suffer because my relationship with my first parents was broken. I’m confused & I miss them, even though I’ve never met them.”
But children of same-sex parents haven’t been given the same voice. It’s not just me. There are so many of us. Many of us are too scared to speak up & tell you about our hurt & pain, because for whatever reason it feels like you’re not listening. That you don’t want to hear. If we say we are hurting because we were raised by same-sex parents, we are either ignored or labeled a ‘hater.’
This isn’t about hate at all. I know you understand the pain of a label that doesn’t fit, & the pain of a label that is used to malign or silence you. And I know that you really have been hated & that you really have been hurt. I was there, at the marches, when they held up signs that said, “God hates fags” & “AIDS cures homosexuality.” I cried & turned hot with anger right there in the street with you. But that’s not me. That’s not us.
I know this is a hard conversation. But we need to talk about it. If anyone can talk about hard things, it’s us. You taught me that.!"
Speaking to Christian publication World, Barwick said she only found healing for her 'father wound' after she began attending church with her future husband.
'It really wasn't until I came to Christ that I felt that burden lifted off of me. And I'm not bitter. I'm not angry,' she said. 'I forgive my dad.'
Barwick said there had been long-term consequences to going up with two mothers.
'I'm not gay, but the relationship that was modeled before me was a woman loving a woman. So I've struggled as an adult figuring out how to be in a relationship with my husband.'
Barwick is also one of six people raised by gay parents who signed a public letter of support this week for designers Dolce & Gabbana following their controversial statements about gay parents.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3001703/Another-mom-never-replaced-father-lost-Woman-raised-lesbian-moms-comes-against-gay-marriage.html#ixzz3UsWHX4bo Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook--
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