Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Romans 12:15
Do we really weep with them that weep? Are we really touched with the feeling of our friend’s loss of a close loved one in death? Do we really feel the emotional turmoil he’s going through? Even the condemnation of heart and mind he may be experiencing? Do we have hearts of flesh so that we can extend compassion to others in their moments of difficulties? Or are we stone-hearted, and can’t empathize with those in need of emotional support?
I recently have gone through the loss of a close friend. We worked together for twenty-seven years. I probably spent more time together with him in those years, than with my wife. When he fell into a coma after a period of dementia, I was emotional destroyed. We just needed to clean up his urinary tract infection and he would be fine. His dementia would clear up and he’d be back to normal. But it didn’t work out that way.
He stayed in a coma and died eleven days later. Was it the hospital’s fault? He had been moved on a Friday to another hospital. He was off the drip it seems during the weekend. He wasn’t eating or drinking. Were they giving him the medication for the infection? Was his death a result of medical failure?
I was already battling my own failures in not realizing the seriousness of my friend’s sickness. I thought he had sudden dementia, when in fact his sudden behavioural change was due to the urinary tract infection. Cleaning up the infection could bring him back to normal. But the infection didn’t get cleaned up, or so we think, and now he’s gone,
How can we make it through moments like these? Our own conscience or self-talk is accusing us of wrong doing, of neglect, of missing the mark. Where do we find the strength to carrying on when we seem incapable of picking ourselves up?
Jesus has promised to be with us in our moments of distress. He said He would be with us to the end of the world. He told us to be encouraged because He has overcome the world and defeated death. We should be of good cheer. He has gotten us the victory. But how can we be of good cheer, when our emotions are swirling like a tornado and the accusations are coming against us like a tsunami?
He said He would be with us through the waters and they would not overwhelm us. He told us we would be more than conqueror through Him who loves us. But how do we find His love when we are fainting within and hearing to the lying vanities of the enemy?
We know intellectually that we need to use praise and thanksgiving. We know that praise and thanksgiving and pouring out our hearts before the Lord will bring release. But during those moments, praise and thanksgiving seem impossible. We’re drowning in guilt and grief over the loss of our loved one. How does God break through?
He’s promised to. He said he would carry us through the storm, strengthen us and uphold us. But how does he do it? Apostle Paul has written that God would comfort us in all our tribulation. He himself had experienced plenty of tribulation. But he was able to say with confidence that God would deliver him from whatever trouble he faced, because he trusted not in himself, but in God who raises the dead.
When Jesus arrived a Lazarus’ tomb, what happened? Martha greets Jesus with an accusation. Her family had sent a message to Jesus some days before that Lazarus was sick. Jesus had stayed in that place and did not arrive at the gravesite until Lazarus was dead for four days. Martha says to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here my brother would not have died.” Mary makes the same accusation when she sees Jesus.
The text of the Bible tells us that as Jesus saw Mary weeping, and Lazarus’ friends weeping, He also wept. “Jesus wept.” And the people said, “Behold how He loved him.” Jesus’ weeping with those that were weeping showed he was feeling how they felt. He was experiencing their sorrow, empathizing with them, while the same time showing compassion.
In the past week, what has helped me in the most tangible manner over the emotional roll-a-coaster I’ve been on, has been the love I have been shown by friends and family. Some of the people I least expected to, who I wasn’t especially close to, were capable of saying the right thing or of showing or giving me the love and encouragement I needed.
Some of my close friends disappointed me. While others not so close surprised me. God can use whoever is willing and available and sensitive enough to His Holy Spirit. He promised that He will comfort us. He promised that He will not leave us comfortless. He promised that He will come to us. For me, He did just that and fulfilled His promise to me.
He did it through the sweet messages I received by WhatsApp. He did it through the phone calls I received from loved ones and friends. He did it through the financial support raised to help cover the costs of the funeral. He did it also through His word to which I sought to for love and encouragement. He did it through the personal love and emotional support I received from those around me.
Jesus was accused of being responsible for one of his closest friends and supporters’ death. But He wept with them that wept. He had preached that blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted. In the psalms we read, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. You have turned my mourning into dancing. You have put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness,” Psalm 30:5b&11.
Surely that was the case for Mary and Martha when Lazarus was raised. Though I’m not 100%, I’m trusting that God will bring me the victory and restore to me the joy of my salvation. It’s the joy of the Lord which is our strength. The Lord Himself is our strength. In quietness and confidence shall be our strength. In other words, by getting quiet with the Lord in prayer, meditation, and reading of His word, He will fill us with the strength we need. “As thy days, so shall thy strength be.”
He will not leave us comfortless. He will come. Hold on to Him and hold on to those around you that need His comfort. For we are His hands, and His feet, and His arms, and His tongue, and His mouth. Let us use our members as His members to comfort, strengthen, and love one another.
“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do you. And above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you are called in one body; and be thankful.” Colossians 3:12-15
“And be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32
Through all these things He wants to transform our hearts of stone into hearts of flesh which He can use to be instruments of His love and truth to others.
“A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26.
Let our hearts be circumcised that we may love, comfort, and strengthen one another as He would do. "As I have loved you, that you also would love one another." John 13:34b
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