How to Get Rid of the Ought in Our Hearts

Dennis Edwards

I love the Bible. It is a great book and stands to be read frequently if not continuously. After I received Jesus it was the only book I would read for many years. I found it enthralling. It is normal when we first receive the Lord to have the hungering for His word. It gives us strength, counsel, comfort, knowledge, understanding and compassion. Reading the word and meditating on its truth gives us wisdom beyond our years and experiences. It becomes a filter on how we observe and absorb the world around us. David said, "I have more understanding than all my teachers: for thy testimonies are my meditation. I understand more than the ancients, because I keep thy word." (Psalm 119:99,100) A good reading and meditating on the word of God would do us all good.

What to we do then about that ought in our heart about that other person? How do we get rid of it? Did Jesus leave us any advice? Well, I am sad to say, He did. I am sad, because it is not easy advice to follow. Most people will not follow it. They may think you are wrong for following it, also. They may do all they can to persuade you it is not the right way to go. I believe, if we follow Jesus' advice whole-heartedly, it will work. If we only put half a heart into it, we cannot expect much results. We will get what we put into it.

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you." (Matthew 5:44)

Jesus starts by saying we should love our enemies. Though we may have a feeling of hatred for those enemies far beyond the sea, most of our real enemies in life turn out to be more close to home. They may be a former loved one, former workmate, neighbour, spouse, in-law, son or daughter, boss or partner, employee or friend. It is usually some one close to us, or who was once close to us, that we have trouble loving. Most probably we feel that person did wrong to us. We probably feel they have never done restitution for what they have done. Therefore, we find it hard to forgive them. We find it hard to make things right. We will not forgive until they ask for our forgiveness. By taking that stand, we are making our obedience to the Word of God dependent on what they do. "We will forgive, when... "

That is not what Jesus said. He said, "Love your enemies." What does that mean? Is it something like doing unto them what we would want someone to do unto us if we were in the same situation? In I Corinthians 13 Paul talks about love. What does he say? "Love suffers long and is kind. Love envies not, is not puffed up. Love does not behave itself improperly. Love seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil. Rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth." What about the verses we read the other day in Ephesians 4:31&32? "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tender-heated, forgiving one another, even as God for the sake of Christ has forgiven you."

There we have it. The Word of God is powerful and hits right on target, if we let it. How then do we get the victory over that person whom we are having a hard time to get along with, that person who seems to be making our life miserable? Jesus said we need to love them. That is fair enough. Then He gives three specific things we should do to manifest love for that person. Are you ready for them? Then here we go. 

"Bless them that curse you." First step is to start talking positive about the person who is getting you annoyed. Words are real things. They bless or they curse. If we are talking negatively about someone behind their back, it could very well be a form of cursing. Do not do it. Bless, or speak positively and do not curse. You will one day give account for every idle word. Proverbs 18:21 says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." We will eat the fruit of our words. If we are sowing love and friendship with our words we will reap the same. If we are sowing discord or bitterness, we will reap the same. "What a man sows, that shall he also reap." (Galatians 6:7) We should be positive and talk positively about the person whom we are having a hard time to love.

Next step: "Do good to them that hate you." (Matthew 5:44) That is straight forward enough. Start doing good things to the person we seem to be having difficulty with. What ever little act of kindness we can think of. There are plenty of little or big ways we can implement it. Use imagination. Remember, we will only get out of it, what we put into it. What ever we do, we should do it whole-heartedly. It will eventually bear fruit. Maybe not after the first little good thing we do, but down the line, it will eventually bear fruit. 

Our enemy is waiting to see if the change in our attitude toward them is real, or some kind of a trick. Be patient and consistent. Remember Jacob (Israel) in the Bible? When he returned to see his brother Esau, of whom he had robbed his birth-right and the blessing of their father, what did he do? Genesis 32&33. What did he send on to his brother ahead of himself? He sent substantial gifts to his brother. The brother who had vowed to kill him once their father was dead. By doing good and blessing his brother with gifts, he won back the friendship and forgiveness of his brother. "A gift...pacifies anger: and a reward in the bosom strong wrath." (Proverbs 21:14)

Now, let's go to the final step. I do not mean that the three steps are in any type of chronological order. I have often found that to go ahead with the first two steps mentioned, I needed to first apply the third step. Since Jesus mentioned the next step third, I have kept it in His order. "Pray for them that despitefully use you and persecute you." That is how we often feel when we are living with or working close by someone who we are not in harmony with. We may feel they are doing things on spite and they may be. We may feel persecuted and maybe rightfully so. 

Nevertheless, Jesus says to pray for them. I have also found, that I need to pray not only for them, but also for myself. I need to pray against any wrong attitudes I may be hiding from myself. Prayer is important and often the key or catalyst for spiritual progress. Start praying for that person who is making you miserable. Start praying for your own heart to be right with God and your attitudes to be right before Him. You will find, if you do pray, it will work wonders. Pray moves the hand of God. "The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. (James 5:16)

There you have it. Love your enemy by following these three important steps: positive speaking, positive actions and positive prayer. It is not necessary to do these in any set order, but do them we must, if we want a wonderful victory over that "neighbour" who is just dragging our life down. Try the plan Jesus gave and see what wonders it can work for you in your life today. Get those prayer muscles in action. Speak and act positively and you will soon regain a lost friend or loved one. As we change it may very well be that they will change, also. Start today. Tomorrow may be too late. God bless you as you pray, speak and act positively! You will not regret it. God will bless you as you follow His word.

I must note here that I read the following book some time ago which contains some of the ideas and arguments I have presented above.

PUTTING OFF ANGER John Coblentz Anger kills people, turns children into rebels, destroys families, and divides churches. This book looks at what God says anger is, how it becomes bitterness, and how it deceives those in its grip. Victory is reached when responses are motivated by faith, forgiveness, and love. This practical book shares insights valuable for counselors or anyone struggling with anger.

I recommend it for anyone dealing with the problem of anger and forgiveness. You can find at Christian Light Publications.

Originally published February 5, 2012.