By Tirzah
“Mom, I would like to be a real help to someone in a very special way.” Those were her last words.
In the summer of 2008, our daughter, Mei (short for Meilani), was struck by a car while jogging in Texas, ending her short life of 19 years on this earth. I know that life and death are beyond our control, but I never imagined that death could be so near and come so suddenly.
Every soul that was sent to this world with its mission is very precious, and nothing could ever take its place. Mei was a very special child. From the time she was little, she took care of her brothers and sister so well, teaching them school, playing with them; she was literally their second “mommy.” She loved them so much, and even when she was away from them, she’d often call to see how they were doing.
She read the Bible, and her love for God grew as she got older. She went through heartbreaks and battles in life, yet those seeming defeats turned into her stepping stones to understand others’ sufferings.
Mei was working as a secretary at a company for six months prior to her death. When my husband visited her boss after her passing, he told my husband how Mei had changed his life; that her love and concern for others, her cheerfulness, kindness, and humble spirit touched so many people’s lives. He said that Mei literally changed the whole company. When they heard about Mei’s death, they dedicated the whole month to honor her.
She was also working at a center for abused children at a hospital, and spent hours of her free time listening to and comforting children whose hearts were broken and hurt.
When my husband was in the States, he tried to find out who the driver involved in the accident was, but the authorities wouldn’t reveal the name. All we knew was that the driver was a young girl who had just graduated from high school and that she was a good student. After my husband came back from the States, we kept thinking about the driver. So we called the police department again and this time we got the information.
I was overwhelmed by different emotions. Frustration, anger, deep sorrow, and regret swept over me, and I was tossed by big waves of agony. The more I struggled, the deeper I went. I got so desperate that I cried out to God to help me. That’s when I saw Mei and the girl in a vision, and thought, What if the situation were reversed? What if I had been the driver? Wouldn’t I want forgiveness?
I remembered the story in the Bible where a woman who committed sin was brought before Jesus and was about to be stoned. Jesus said, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one. Then Jesus said to this woman, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and sin no more.”1
My husband and I made the decision to forgive. We wrote the young driver a letter expressing our prayers and forgiveness toward her. And when she wrote back, we were thrilled to see the Lord’s hand and a marvelous plan in the situation.
I would like to share an excerpt of her letter here.
I just want to say that I am so terribly sorry for what happened. I know that it doesn’t help all that much now but I just wanted you to know that even though I didn’t know Meilani, I’ve mourned her all the same, as if she were someone I knew. In a way I feel connected to her as if I have known her all my life. It’s silly because I don’t know anything about her, but I would like to.
You have no idea just how much your letter meant to me. I’ve been agonizing for weeks about how I should write to you and how I would begin, but never could find the courage to do it. Your letter was a blessing to me and my family. You also do not know just how happy I was to hear that you and your family believe in the Lord. I have prayed (along with my entire family) countless times for your family, that God would give you peace and that you would be believers. I can only assume that Meilani was a Christian and I am so thankful to hear about that.
I can honestly say that I’m not completely okay. I’ve not completely moved on and neither do I think that I ever will. I don’t think I want to. Her memory will forever stay with me. I would like you to know that I now can say I am a completely different person after the accident. Sometimes I get angry with God and I wonder why this had to happen. Just to teach me something? I feel angry and I sometimes feel like it was too much.
But I want you to know that her death will not be in vain. I now cherish every day that I live. I now appreciate everything that God brings into my life, be it people, circumstances, good or bad, or anything else. I want you to know that I will always keep her close to my heart and now everything that I do, I do in dedication to her. Your daughter has changed my life. And I am so sorry that it had to be in this way. Like I said before, I sometimes still wrestle with the struggle of my anger and bitterness towards God about this whole situation. It doesn’t seem fair. And I am so sorry.
I know that I could not possibly mourn and suffer as much as you and your family. I would like to get to know Meilani and your family. If you would feel comfortable talking about her or anything else. I would also like to tell you about myself, so maybe you can better understand me and just how much your daughter has made an impact on my life. But that is all up to you.
I guess I just wanted you to know that your daughter’s death was not in vain, that everything wasn’t for nothing. The whole thing has touched me in a way that you cannot imagine. And I am so sorry that it had to happen. I’m sorry if this doesn’t really make much sense. Words just seem inadequate to describe what exactly I’m feeling. I just pray that God will help you to see what it is I’m trying to say.
Again, I’m sorry. But her memory will forever live on in my heart and in that of my family’s. It has altered my view of life and made me mature in a way that will be able to bless many more people to come. Be assured that we have mourned her here as if she was someone we knew. I still cry from time to time. My prayers go out to your family. And I thank you so much for your letter. Once again, I am so very very sorry.
After I wrote back to her about Mei, she wrote:
Words cannot truly describe just how much Mei has been an inspiration in my life. I feel like I have a good testimony and now I can use this experience to maybe help someone else. I wish I didn’t. But I won’t let her death be in vain. I won’t. I want people to know just how special and how wonderful a person she was, and I promise to use my gift of song to do that. I want people to know her life and to know her love of God. Maybe that’s why all of this happened. So that we together could help bless other people’s lives and help them to come to know God. It’s funny, I still feel like I’ve known her all my life, now more so that I know more about her. But I guess it just helps to feel like Mei and I are working for God together. You’re right when you say you feel her spirit; even though I didn’t know her, it’s as if she’s with me too.
Thank you for sharing with me some of your memories of Mei. I can’t say I fully see God’s plan for my life or why any of this had to happen. I’m sorry it did. I don’t think I ever will stop being sorry. But I want you to know just how much Mei has taught me. She has taught me to never take life for granted. It seems as if she lived her life to its fullest, and I want to do the same. She’s taught me to never put limits on love. She loved many people. I hope that I can become as loving as her. She’s taught me to always put trust in God, whether we understand Him or not. It’s not about understanding God, it’s about trusting and putting faith in Him, and day by day I’m learning to do that more and more.
That song “Praise You in this Storm” by Casting Crowns is my favorite song. It talks about praising God even when it’s storming. I’ve learned that even in the bad you have to learn to trust Him and praise Him and have faith that He will get you out. That He knows what He’s doing and where you’re going. Mei taught me to do that. I don’t know how ... but she has. When I feel like I’m mad at God or want to turn my back, I won’t be able to. It would be an insult to Mei and her life if I did. She lived her life for Him, and from now on I will too.
Thank you again for your letter about Mei. I hope to maybe hear more. Know that I continue to pray for your family. And I am so sorry. But just know that Mei’s life will be remembered and her love for God will be remembered.
Thank you and God bless your family.
We also received a letter from her mother. It was comforting and amazing.
You will never know the profound impact your letter to J. had on all of us, but most of all on J.! We all mourned Meilani’s death like she was one of our own, and our hearts went out to you, her family, but it was tearing J. apart. She had nightmares and tremendously anguished moments where she cried and cried with heart wrenching sobs. At other times she felt a connection to Meilani, almost like she had been her best friend and she had lost her.
She grieved for the life Meilani wouldn’t get to live, felt guilty that she would live on and Meilani would not. She wondered if Meilani had had a rich, full life, had she fallen in love, did she have brothers and sisters, etc. She longed to contact her family, to tell you how terribly sorry she felt. You have brought peace to her heart and comfort beyond words and so much more, when you revealed to us that she was a Christian and she’d gone to heaven to be with the Lord.
I want to tell you something that maybe will bring comfort to your hearts. Right after the accident, it was as if God sent angels all around. One lady gathered all the people she could, to form a circle around Meilani to pray for her. A boy who was a witness to the accident, and also a Christian, stayed near J. to comfort her, and a lady put her hands on J.’s head and prayed for her so powerfully that it shook me to my soul. The only way I can describe it is that God sent angels to minister to His beloved children. Meilani was not alone; she had a whole host of Christian brothers and sisters around her. How precious is our Lord!
God bless you for following your heart and making contact with J., and as her mother I thank you from the depths of my heart.
Ever since J. was very small, she has been blessed with the gift of song. There was hardly a moment she didn’t sing or hum, and as she got older she realized that this was the career she wanted to follow. She has had many successes, but our “little songbird” was silenced when she “met” Meilani. She could not bring herself to sing; she could not find joy in it anymore. As we watched her suffer and struggle, we wondered if she would abandon her song forever. One night she came in to our room and said that she would not stop singing, that she would dedicate her singing to Meilani. Now when she sings, there is a depth to her music that was not there before.
She has longed to know everything she can about Meilani, and I don’t know if it would be too painful for you to talk to her about Meilani, but if it would be something that would soothe and comfort you, she would be eager to hear it.
Thank you once again for showing God’s love to J. through the letter that you sent her, and may God richly bless and comfort you and your family.
I know now how deep the sorrow is when you lose your child, how difficult it is. But I have also experienced the comfort, peace, and inner healing that comes from forgiveness in spite of pain. Forgiveness not only pulls the one guilty out of hell and gives them hope and courage to live their life again, but it is also a lifesaver for those who are at the giving end.
Though forgiving won’t change the past, it can change the future. Just like it takes a while for a deep wound to heal, it is the same for healing of the heart. I still struggle emotionally and sometimes go under the waves of sorrow. But I believe the wounds will heal completely someday, though the scar will remain, and that with the magic potion of forgiveness, it will heal up without any infection.
Mei has left the physical plane, but she is still very much alive in the spiritual one. She has just stepped into a different dimension. She tells me that heaven is a wonderful place to be and that she is very happy. She also told me that it wasn’t an accident that she had left our side. It was not some cruel twist of fate. Many pieces of a great, beautiful, and marvelous puzzle were at play. Many pieces are unknown to us at present, but some things we will come to understand and see as time goes on. And we will know that God truly does all things well, and His ways are perfect and entire, lacking nothing.
“All things work together for good” is one of my favorite verses from the Bible.2 When we try to find some silver lining even in a bad situation, believing that God has a special plan in allowing it, then hardships and battles can turn into beautiful experiences, because we can learn and grow from them, and will be able to help others who are in a similar situation.
I clung to this promise for dear life when I lost Mei. Though I couldn’t see or find any silver lining, I trusted that God would bring something good out of it. Maybe one of the good things that came out of it was that through this incident, God has brought us and J. and her family close to each other. The more we get to know each other, the more we feel that we’ve known them for a long time. It’s funny to say this, but there is a strong bond between us.
When I go out at night and close my eyes, I feel Mei very close. And she tells me, “Mom, don’t worry! Everything is going to work out all right!” Yes, I have my angel with me. Mei is now my link to heaven.
This little seed, Mei, has fallen to the ground, and will bring forth much more fruit—in our lives, the kids’ lives, J. and her family’s lives, and in the lives of those who knew and loved Mei—because there is a God who knows, loves, cares, and who is powerfully at work within the lives of His children.
Originally published August 2009. Adapted and republished March 2014.
1 See John 8:3–11.
2 Romans 8:28.
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