Setting Your Child’s Moral Compass
By Maria Fontaine
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As a parent, you are responsible to set your child’s moral compass. To do that, you have to give thought and consideration to what qualities or values are important to you, and what you want to pass on to your children—for example, the qualities of being like Jesus that are outlined in the Bible and other Christian writings, or qualities that you have seen and admired in others.
It can be easy to take for granted that your children will pick up the right qualities or virtues eventually. Some people might assume that their children will automatically learn all they need to learn simply through their interactions with others, their education, or reading the Bible and other devotional materials appropriate for their age.
It’s true that “it takes a village to raise a child,” as the saying goes. No parents, no matter how loving, diligent, talented, and attentive, are capable of imparting and teachingeverything to their children. Each person who interacts with children, and has the willingness and aptitude to contribute to a child’s upbringing and pass on what he or she can to the child, plays a valuable role in raising them.
However, when the Lord gives you children, He is giving them to you, the parents—to raise, to care for, to love, to nurture, to educate, to shape their character, to prepare them for life. Many other people can help in this monumental task, and some people will play vital, irreplaceable roles—such as dedicated teachers, people your children are close to and look up to, role models, friends, grandparents or grandparent figures, or other relatives.
But as a parent, you are ultimately responsible for your children—for their education, for their training, for their well-being—and that responsibility is lifelong. This is a role that the Lord gave you when He gave you your children. In order to play this role well, you need a vision and a plan of what your priorities are for your children’s care and training and education, in order to see that they are receiving those fundamentals.
What are the things that you feel are most important for them to learn? What are the qualities that you feel are vital for them to develop? Don’t stop at skills or talents or vocations, although you might have some goals for helping them develop their interests along those lines as well. Consider their character development, setting their moral compass, and helping them to develop the fundamental characteristics that are necessary to lead a happy and successful life, regardless of what career path they choose when they grow up.
Once you have a vision for what values you want to impart to your children, it’s helpful to regularly assess whether their needs are being met and whether you are making good progress toward reaching those goals. Are you spending enough quality time with them? Are the other people whom they spend time with contributing to their development? Are they having experiences that will shape their perspectives in a godly way and that help them to understand the lessons they are being taught?
Your children won’t learn the important values in life if they are not taught. They learn by watching, yes. They learn by your example—very much so. But they also need explanation. They need to be taught. They need healthy discussion and conversations that give them a foundation in what is right or wrong, and help them to understand the reasons why. They need clear boundaries that are upheld. They need to be instructed in their work and habits and approach to life. They need to understand that there are consequences when they make the wrong choices.
Parents don’t have to be the primary caregivers for their children in order to be involved and aware. But regardless of how much or how little others are involved in teaching your children, as parents, you are fully responsible for your children and their care and upbringing. You are parents for life. You are responsible to chart a long-term course for raising your children, and you’re responsible to see that they’re getting what they need.
The same is true of devotional material for children and young people, and its role in providing moral and character training for them. The Bible is tremendous, and there are some devotional materials that are wonderful aids in teaching, truly priceless. But no amount of reading can replace the need for you to teach your children those principles, to talk about those principles with them, and then to be examples of applying the principles so that the children see that the values are not just written in books, but that they reflect your personal beliefs and convictions as well.
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Children are not born with knowledge of the virtues. They must learn what they are.1
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Attaining virtue is like so much else in life: It takes lots of practice. By putting virtues into action over and over again, we help them take root. Eventually they become second nature—they become part of one’s character.2
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Your family is the first and most important school of morality. Home is where your child comes to know right and wrong through the nurturing and protective care of those who love him/her more than anyone else. Teachers should be allies in this endeavor, but they cannot be substitutes. Schools cannot replace parents in the crucial task of molding character in the young.3
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Teach your children to care deeply about the good.4
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“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”5
Originally published July 2009. Updated and republished November 2011.
Read by Amber Larriva.
Read by Amber Larriva.
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