4 Things Your Kids Should Know About Atheists

Christian Mom Thoughts
December 2, 2015 By Natasha Crain -



This week I had the opportunity to be on the radio program Cross Defense with Rev. Rod Zwonitzer (KFUO-AM 850 in St. Louis). We discussed the common atheist claim that believing in God is evidentially the same as believing in Santa, why that claim offers a great opportunity to talk to your kids about the evidence for God at Christmas, whether Christians should include Santa in their Christmas celebrations, and how to keep your kids focused on Jesus this time of year. If you’re interested,you can hear the whole interview online here.

In the course of our conversation, Rod asked what I think is the biggest challenge to kids’ faith today. As I’ve written about before, I said it’s undoubtedly atheism. The percent of atheists in America is quickly rising, and those atheists are often quite vocal about their rejection of religion. Our kids are more likely to hear faith challenges from atheists than from any other group. Because of this, it’s incredibly important that we proactively help our kids understand the atheist worldview (here are 14 ways to do so).

It’s also important that we help our kids have an accurate view of atheiststhemselves.

I’ve talked to my kids (ages 7 and 5) a lot before about the fact that not everyone believes in God, but I realized a couple of weeks ago that we haven’t talked much about atheists as people. Today I’ll share some highlights from our conversation that you can use as talking points with your own kids (of any age).

Here are four things your kids should know about atheists.

1. Atheists can be just as friendly and moral, if not more so, than Christians.
I opened our conversation by asking, “Do you think atheists can be nice people and do good things even though they don’t believe in God?” My kids looked at me a little skeptically, sensing a trick question, then my daughter said, “No, they would probably be mean.”

That was a perfect opportunity to clarify the difference between belief and behavior. I explained that all people, regardless of what they believe about God, can be nice and do good things…and all people, regardless of what they believe about God, can be mean and do bad things. I emphasized that you can’t necessarily tell what someone believes by how they behave.

When you explain the difference between belief and behavior, it’s a great time to then make three crucial points:
The Bible says it’s not behavior that makes someone right with God and allows them to be with Him forever. It’s a belief in and acceptance of Jesus as your Savior (John 3:16). Even though two people’s actions may look similar, their status with God can be quite different.
That doesn’t mean that Christians should sin so that “grace may abound” (Romans 6:1). When a person accepts Jesus as their Savior, they are committing to a relationship that should transform their heart; moral behavior should flow out from belief.
The fact that people, regardless of their beliefs about God, know some things are objectively right and some things are objectively wrong, is actually evidence for God’s existence (this is called the Moral Argument). Romans 2:15 tells us that God has placed His laws on the human heart whether we choose to acknowledge the Source of those laws or not. Therefore, it shouldn’t surprise us that atheists know what is right and can choose to live moral lives according to that compass.

2. Atheists are often ex-Christians.
I next asked my kids why they think some people don’t believe in God. My son immediately responded, “Because no one has ever told them about Him! We have to tell them!” While I loved my son’s enthusiasm for sharing his faith (and encouraged him to do so), I also explained that many atheists used to be Christians; they’ve heard about Jesus and have chosen to reject Christianity.

This is important for kids to understand because atheists who are ex-Christians can be especially impactful in their challenges to believers—they can “talk the talk.” For example, atheists who are ex-Christians are often fond of showing how immoral/contradictory/crazy various tough biblical passages sound. To young people with limited Bible knowledge, it can seem like those atheists know more about the Bible than the Christians in their lives who have never brought those passages to their attention…and it can shatter their trust (just one of many reasons parents should proactively bring tough questions like these to their kids’ attention).

Kids need to know that just because someone knows something about or has experience with Christianity doesn’t mean they truly understand it or are presenting it accurately.

3. People can be atheists for good reasons.
Our conversation then turned to some of the specific reasons why people reject God. I asked my kids if they thought atheists have good reasons or bad reasons for not believing in Him. Since we talk a lot about all the good reasons for believing in God, they quickly assumed that atheists must have bad reasons for rejecting Him. Once again, I corrected them.

To use an easily understandable example, I reminded them of how much suffering we see in the world. I explained that one of the most common reasons why people don’t believe in God is that it can be hard to understand how a perfectly good and loving God could allow so many bad things to happen.

I acknowledged that I, too, often find that hard to understand.

I acknowledged that we can’t explain why every bad thing happens.

And I acknowledged that if we only looked at the evil in the world, it would be a pretty good reason to not believe a good God exists.

But I also acknowledged that we have a much bigger picture of “clues” to consider when we search for the truth about God (e.g., the existence of our universe, the fine-tuning of the universe, the complexity of our bodies, how we know right and wrong, the Bible, historical evidence for the resurrection, etc.). I concluded that atheists don’t necessarily reject God because they haven’t thought deeply about Him. They may well have some good reasons for why they don’t believe, and those reasons can sound compelling—even to Christians.

4. People can be atheists for bad reasons.
I then flipped the topic of conversation around and asked my kids if they thought people could be atheists for bad reasons. My daughter replied, “Yes, because maybe you just want to do whatever you want and not worry about God. But that doesn’t mean He’s not there.” I loved that example. What we want to be true has absolutely no bearing on what is true. Wish-fulfillment is a bad reason for choosing a worldview.

Importantly, I made sure my kids understood that Christians can be guilty of choosing their worldview for bad reasons too. I gave the example of how many people incorrectly think that if they’re a Christian, their life will be easier somehow (something Christians were never promised).

There’s a significant reason why it’s important for kids to know that atheists don’t always have good reasons for their beliefs: Passionate atheists often engage with an air of intellectual superiority and can make kids feel that they just don’t know enough yet to reject their faith. If kids don’t understand that behind the intellectual bravado there can lie a pile of poor reasoning, they may easily start to assume the problem lies with them.



Tell me what you think! What else should kids understand about atheists?


Filed Under: Apologetics

Comments
Collin Mc. says:
December 3, 2015 at 7:08 AM


Awesome article, and great interview!
Reply
Mark McGee says:
December 3, 2015 at 9:52 AM


Hi, Natasha. Great article! Former atheist here and I agree with all of your points. It’s so important to make sure our children and grandchildren are knowledgeable about problems with believing in atheism and the amazing reason Christians have for believing in God. Thanks! Mark
Reply
Leigh Ann says:
December 3, 2015 at 9:52 AM


This was great. Thank you for approaching this topic with kindness towards those who don’t believe! They are God’s creation in need of His transformation just as we are, not our enemies.
Reply
Robbienz says:
December 3, 2015 at 12:16 PM


Hi Natasha, I am reading (listening) to Ravi Zacharias’ “The End of Reason” which is essentially a critique of new atheist Sam Harris’ book “Letter to a Christian Nation”.

This is a small book (~130 pages) and one of the best and most beautifully written books I have ever read. The language is excellent, and the arguments are ruthlessly accurate in exposing the meaningless of an atheistic worldview. Common objections that are often used to slay Christians and that have a lot of rhetorical power are clinically dealt with by Ravi as he again and again exposes Harris’ confident assertions for what they are. Over and over again Ravi turns Harris’ own arguments back on to themselves with devastating consequences.

I am a little surprised at how aggressively Ravi takes on Harris. He is not mean spirited and does not attack the man, but he is ruthless with Harris’ shallow and foolish wisdom and its consequences. The reason for the ‘tone” of the book is that Ravi sees this as such an important issue with deep consequences, and one that we cannot afford to ignore.

Personally I regard Harris as a clever guy who is completely out of his depth when it comes to philosophy and religion. His shallow thinking resonates well with my own shallow secular atheistic childhood upbringing and teenage years. The problem is, as JP Moreland has said, that “the make-up man is more important than the speech writer”, meaning that Harris’ weak arguments are more than made up for by his confidence and clever rhetoric.

Highly recommended.

Robbienz

Reply

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Two Things Terrorist Attacks Do NOT Tell Us About Religion

Christian Mom Thoughts

November 18, 2015 By Natasha Crain -




With the rest of the world, I’ve felt deeply grieved over the recent terrorist attacks. I feel a true sense of despair that there is no end in sight to events like these.

If you’ve been online much lately, you’ve probably noticed the endless articles pointing fingers of blame for the attacks in all directions. As has been the case since 9/11, many of those fingers are pointing squarely at “religion.”

For example, the Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science Facebook page published a post that expressed condolences and stated, “Let us continue to be an opposition to religious fundamentalism!” This was followed by a “Don’t pray for Paris” meme which has been shared over 53,000 times.

Similarly, a cartoonist from Charlie Hebdo (the French magazine whose office has been the target of two terrorist attacks) published a drawing stating, “Friends from the whole world, thank you for #prayforparis, but we don’t need more religion! Our faith goes to music! Kisses! Life! Champagne and joy!”

These negative sentiments about religion in general are hardly new in the aftermath of terrorist attacks. Ever since 9/11, atheist authors have used religious violence as a major impetus for their own war on religion (as an example that can be extracted from the title alone, consider Christopher Hitchens’ book, God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything). Their conclusions are generally two-fold: 1) that religion is bad and 2) that religion is (consequently) false.

But terrorist attacks and other religious violence don’t tell us those two things at all.

In a world where such violence is increasingly becoming an issue, and where atheists are increasingly using that issue to challenge any notion of God, it’s important that our kids understand how to think critically about such claims. Note that this isn’t even about Islam specifically; it’s simply about what a person can or cannot conclude about religion based on the existence of religiously motivated violence.

Here’s what your kids should understand about the two erroneous conclusions that religion is bad and religion is false.



1. That religion is bad.

I’ll be honest with you: I find it very difficult to understand why otherwise intelligent people make the seemingly obvious logical error of proclaiming that “religion” is a bad thing based on the morally grievous actions of any particular “religious” people. In fact, if you’re unaware that this is a common claim by atheists—that violence attributable to religious people shows religion is a bad thing in general—you might wonder why I even need to explain it here. But, rest assured, this is an argument many atheists put forth and one that your kids are sure to eventually encounter.

We can establish why such an argument holds no logical weight with three basic points:


First, the word religion simply means “the belief in and worship of God or gods; a system of religious beliefs and practices.” Depending on your criteria for grouping belief systems, there are several hundred to several thousandreligious groups in the world. The beliefs of these groups are extremely wide ranging. It’s logically impossible to make an evaluation of how moral “religion” is in general when religion is simply a collective term for thousands of different beliefs. Most evaluative statements using the bucket term “religion,” therefore, are meaningless.


Second, even if we focus on one specific religion for the sake of argument, it doesn’t logically follow that we can make moral judgments about that religion based on the actions of specific individuals who claim to hold that worldview. Those individuals may or may not have been acting in accordance with the “instructions” of their religion. The appropriate question for moral evaluation is, What are the instructions of that religion?


Third, once you drill down to the actual instructions of a given religion, you have to have some kind of basis for moral evaluation. In other words, when we ask the question, “Is (this) religion morally good?” we have to have a definition of morality. Interestingly, it’s usually atheists who question the morality of religion…yet atheists have no objective basis for defining morality! With no moral authority (such as God), everyone’s opinion on morality is of equal value. If there’s no objective basis for morality, it’s meaningless to say religion is morally bad (except in one’s personal opinion). You can evaluate evidence as to whether or not a given religion is true, but you can’t claim that it’s objectivelyimmoral.



2. That religion is false.

Stating that religion is a morally bad thing (see the first point) is often just the first step in the broader argument that the history of religious violence demonstrates God-based religion is false…that God doesn’t exist because He wouldn’t permit such evil in His name. Once again, we can show how this doesn’t logically follow by looking at three basic points:


First, this really isn’t as much a question about faith-based violence as it is about the broader “problem of evil”—why is there any evil or suffering permitted in the world? Even if no one committed violence in the name of God, this difficult question would still have to be answered, so it’s important to identify it as the real issue to address.


Second, the stated “problem of evil” truly is difficult, but it’s not without answers. As it’s traditionally stated, the problem is this: If God is all good, He would eliminate evil; if God is all powerful, He could eliminate evil; but evil still exists, so how can the existence of evil be reconciled with the existence of God? While it remains a tough question, it’s one that theologians and philosophers have answered in varying ways for centuries. To casually dismiss God’s existence due to the problem of evil—without having investigated some of those thoughtful answers—is, frankly, naïve. I’ve written a whole blog post explaining one such answer here. (For more on this and related topics, see my chapters on the problem of evil, the killing of the Canaanites, the history of Christian violence, and the questions of biblical slavery, rape, and human sacrifice in my upcoming book.)


Third, as in the last bullet of point one, an atheist has no objective basis for labeling something evil. If some things are objectively wrong and not just a matter of opinion, that’s actually evidence for the existence of God—a moral law giver. For more on the “moral argument” for God’s existence, see this blog post.



Get the Conversation Going

If your kids are old enough for this discussion, ask them if they think terrorist attacks and other religiously-motivated violence show that religion is a bad thing. They’ll probably say no, but probe further on why not. Help them learn to think critically by leading them through the bullets here as talking points (What do we mean when we say “religion”? How do we know if people are really acting according to their religion? How do we define “bad”?). Then ask them if they think terrorist attacks and other religiously-motivated violence show religions aren’t true (i.e., that there is no God). Use the same method of walking them through the key questions raised by the bullet points.



What indictments of “religion” in general have you seen stemming from the attacks?

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The Surprising Science of Praise

Joel Peterson, Huffington Post, Aug. 19, 2015

As parents, we love to praise our children. When a daughter or son has succeeded in something at school, at home or in an activity, we love telling them, “You’re so smart!” “You’re so talented!” “You’re the best!”

After all, reinforcing a child’s success with praise is good for them, right? Well, maybe. But, it may depend on the praise that’s given, and certain kinds of praise can actually do harm.

Lewis Terman was a pioneering psychological researcher at Stanford University and was the person responsible for creating the Stanford-Binet IQ test in America between 1904 and 1915. He modified the original test created in 1905 by Frenchman Alfred Binet. In fact Terman coined the term “intelligence quotient” or IQ. He launched a study of high IQ students in 1921, tracking 1,528 individuals in what has become the longest running research study. Participants were followed throughout their lives using surveys about all aspects of their lives every 5 to 10 years. Current participants are in their 80s and 90s.

The study uncovered some highly interesting findings.

In 1968, Terman’s associate, Melita Oden compared the 100 most successful and 100 least successful men in the group, defining success as holding jobs that required their intellectual capability. For instance, those who were deemed successful were in professions such as medicine, while those deemed unsuccessful were in jobs such as sales clerk. She found that the IQs of the two groups were nearly identical; the difference being meaningless in any practical term. The big difference turned out to be in “will power, perseverance and desire to excel.” And these traits were discernible by grade school.

So we see that IQ may be less important than personal traits, like persistence. But are not personal traits fixed? Aren’t children born with unique personalities, which may predispose them to persistence or resilience? Maybe, but there is some compelling science that says that traits can be instilled or, at least, strengthened.

A former Columbia University researcher, who is now currently at Stanford, psychologist Carol Dweck, conducted a series of landmark studies with her colleague, Claudia Mueller, in the late 1990s about praise and education outcomes. Their findings have been replicated and expanded by numerous studies since.

The findings repeatedly showed that praising intelligence or talent made children actually less persistent, less confident and less resilient. Because intelligence and talent are things they can’t control, every challenging situation they faced became a confrontation that could discredit their being labeled intelligent or talented.

But praising improvement and the process children engage in–like their effort, hard work, strategy or focus–led to greater persistence, greater resiliency and greater success. Dweck and her colleagues showed that the traits identified by Oden are not fixed, but can be instilled and strengthened.

Especially in children and teenagers, the brain and personality–and personal traits–are being found to be elastic, adaptable and capable of change. Both for the better or otherwise.

Praising correctly can improve traits linked with education and life success. It involves praising for things, processes, approaches and outcomes that children can control and replicate on their own. What the praise should do is concretely identify these for the child, because he or she may not be able to link the correct cause and effect; link their effort or focus to a successful outcome.

Praise can help them make that connection and associate positive emotional reinforcement with that cause-effect connection.

Telling children they are the best may make them think that ability at something is fixed and they may avoid situations that could disprove their status as the best. But telling children they have gotten better because of what they did or how they did it, lets them know that ability at something is not fixed; that it can improve and they have the power to make it happen.

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Announcement from Christian Professionals Worldwide-We Need To Help Our Youth "Guard" Their Hearts!

Darrell "Coach D" Andrews, CSP

Motivational Strategist, Accountability Coach, Speaker

I have been blessed as a former youth pastor and now as a speaker to interact with hundreds of thousands of youth worldwide. I have had the privilege of engaging youth from all walks of life, races and socioeconomic situation. With all this being said, I was recently telling my wife that over the years I noticed a pattern. This pattern is deeply concerning to me. The looks in the eyes of many of our youth are getting darker and their care for others is diminishing. It seems like the influence of this world, with all of its gadgets, negative music, movement away from Godly things, and demise of family structure, is being very effective at winning the hearts of kids, Christians and non-Christians. The bible is very clear in its realization that it is our responsibility to protect our children. The scriptures are very clear on this subject:

1. Genesis 18:19 "For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice, so that the LORD may bring to Abraham what he has promised him.”
2. Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."
3. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 "And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

Besides youth, I speak to parents globally. I find that many Christian parents and caretakers’ parents allow their kids to:

• Play on video games all day long
• Overly engage in social media
• Watch a plethora of TV shows that lack biblical character
• Attend secular event that promote anti-God nature
• Many others

You cannot expect good morals to come from this. The word of God tells us to “Guard our hearts with all diligence, for out of it flows the issues of life.” You can equate the heart in this scripture to the mind. It is telling us that we need to help our children “guard their minds” for if not, they will fall to the trappings sand expectations of the world. My wife and I see training our children as our responsibility, but this is not just the responsibility of parents. We all have a part to play. We as followers of Christ can be a major example and role model to our youth by:

• Sharing an encouraging word with them every opportunity we get
• Letting them know how God has been a blessing in your lives
• Listening to them instead of lecturing them
• Encouraging them to be careful of what they watch and listen to
• Helping them find activities that are healthy and spirit lifting
• Keeping their electronic gadget time at a minimum
• Upholding the scriptures in our own lives. Living for Christ and not imitating the world.

Our children need for us to stand for them. We are losing way to many of them to the world. Even today, way too many saints are straddling the fence. Some are mistaking acceptance of worldly standards and expectations with the truth of God’s word. They are unfortunately “twisting” the scriptures. We have to be diligent in upholding the truth of God’s word or it will be watered down to nothing. Many in the world want it this way. This sends a mixed message to our youth, and many others. Our kids need to see our Godly love for them and their future. If not, the future will be shaped for them by the world and this will not include God.

We will truly become a remnant in our generation if this happens.

Stand strong and be encouraged. God is for us and since he is, we know the end in beginning.

Your brother in Christ
Darrell “Coach D” Andrews

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How moms set children’s spiritual compass and why it matters

Cathy Lynn Grossman, Religion News Service, May 8, 2015

Religious identity used to be “inherited.” “Cradle Catholic” is shorthand for born into the faith; within Judaism, the faith is passed through a Jewish mother to her children unless they grow up to proclaim a different religion.

But children don’t just inherit parents’ spirituality, says psychologist Lisa Miller in her new book, “The Spiritual Child.” She writes that the essential sense of a transcendent power in the world–one that will love, guide and accept them and wrap them in a protective layer of self-worth–has to be nurtured.

And for that, call (and thank) your mom or grandmom.

Miller, professor and director of clinical psychology at the Teachers College of Columbia University, scrupulously uses the neutral reference to “parents” throughout “The Spiritual Child.” But sorry, fellas, her research and narrative examples are replete with women in a book released just in time for Mother’s Day.

“Science shows women are central to the spiritual development of children and that their sense of connection to a God or higher power is the cornerstone of psychological thriving and resilience across their life span,” Miller said in an interview.

“Children get plenty of good things from dad, but it’s the mother whose spiritual practices and observances really impact both daughters and sons, particularly daughters,” she said. Miller’s studies found children with a spiritual connection at a young age were “90 percent less likely to be depressed” as teens or young adults.

This does not necessarily mean a forced march to a house of worship–which can be a complicated command for many interfaith couples who often compromise by making no religious choice at all. Miller sees no advantages in organized, branded religions–particularly ones that minimize women’s roles, which her research showed “gave no benefit” to women’s spiritual and psychological well-being.

The key is to “figure out how you pray,” said Miller, with an emphasis on the personal.

“It’s less important which religious tradition you observe if your children hear you speak authentically about spirituality and your own relationship to the creator and you let them know the spiritual life is as real as the earth under our feet: We stand on it and we count on it,” said Miller.

Miller, 48, who is Jewish, said she grew up in the Midwest in a community where, she said, “spirituality was in the water. We knew we were born spiritual. It was based on love and on relationships.”

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How to Be a Good Role Model for Your Kids: The Pygmalion Effect

By Dr. Joanne Stern, ETR, July 11, 2014

I want to share with you a powerful secret that will help your kids reach their full potential. The secret I want to share with you doesn’t take any extra time out of your life. Nor does it require any extra commitment—financial or otherwise—from you or them. If you put this secret to use, you’ll go a long way toward creating happy, confident, self-motivated kids.

But before I tell you what the secret is… let me tell you a story about the first time I personally experienced this secret’s power.

In my first career after college, I taught German at a school in the northern suburbs of Chicago. I met Danny when he walked into my second-year class at the start of his sophomore year. The school had placed Danny into level two—the second level from the bottom. This had a big impact on him. He believed the school’s view of him and was resigned to being in what the other kids called “the dumb level.”

But that year Danny got solid “B” grades. Because he was a serious student, I asked him if I could recommend that he be moved up a level for the following year. I told him he would have to work a little harder, but that I was sure he could do it. He looked pleased that I believed in him and agreed.

Danny studied diligently. At the end of the school term he again scored solid “B” grades. Once more I talked with Danny and asked him if he would like me to recommend him for level four—“the smart level”—for the following year. This time, he grinned broadly and told me he was ready to go for it.

You can probably guess the outcome of Danny’s senior year. He received solid “B” grades. When Danny graduated, he thanked me for believing in him and for giving him the opportunity to accomplish what no one else thought he could.

I was only 25 at the time. I knew nothing about the power of expectations or the principles of self-fulfilling prophecies. I didn’t know there were already well-respected studies showing that if a teacher genuinely believes in the high achievement of a student, he or she will rise to meet that expectation. Or that, conversely, those same studies show that if a teacher believes the student is not capable, the child will come to believe it, too. He will learn slowly, as is expected of him.

In fact, research clearly shows that what another person believes about you will likely become a self-fulfilling prophecy—for better or for worse. You will outperform if someone influential in your life believes you can do it. You will underperform if that person thinks you will underperform.

In George Bernard Shaw’s play Pygmalion, professor Henry Higgins transformed Eliza Doolittle from a Cockney girl into a well-born lady. At least in speech and manners. But Higgins hardly noticed her except as an object of his experiment. He treated her rudely and never transformed his attitude about her.

Because Higgins continued to see her as a poor girl, Eliza never felt confident. But Freddy Eynsford-Hill saw her as the fair lady she had become. She explained to him, “I know I can be a lady to you because you always treat me as a lady and always will.”

People become what others believe them to be. They achieve what significant people in their lives believe they can achieve.

The phenomenon of the Pygmalion Effect is also true in organizations. The way managers treat subordinates, and what they expect of them, largely determines their performance. It’s also true of families.

What you say to your kids will either help them reach success or knock them down, deflate their self-esteem and foster a lack of confidence. Your attitude toward them will spill into their psyche and influence how they feel about themselves.

Let me give you an example from my own parenting. When my older daughter, Carol, was a child she had a frustratingly slow morning routine. Although her younger sister and I hit the floor running, Carol rolled out of bed and spent her first 10 minutes cuddling with our dog. That put her 10 minutes behind schedule. I could have simply awakened her 10 minutes earlier to give her time to wake up. Instead, I nagged her to hurry, hurry, hurry.

I didn’t realize it then, but Carol’s behavior created an attitude within me that carried over as she grew older. When she was in high school I was constantly on her case about her studies and her school projects. One day, she confronted me. “Mom, why do you always interrogate me about my homework? You know I always do my homework.”

I began to realize that I had subconsciously developed a belief about Carol that she was not productive or conscientious. Neither was true. I am grateful that Carol had the courage to call me on my negative message before too much damage had been done to her self-belief.

It is easy to give our kids the wrong message. We are often frazzled, too busy and not paying attention. When we get stressed, we take it out on those closest to us without realizing the harmful effect it has on them.

When your child spills her milk you might say, “Good grief! You’re such a klutz. You spill your milk at least three times a week.” Hearing the word “klutz,” your child will believe, as you do, that she is one. She is likely to fulfill your expectation by continuing to spill her milk. Better to say, “I know how careful you can be. I know you’ll do better next time.”

When you overhear your teenager gossiping maliciously about another girl in school, you can reprimand her for being mean. She is likely to continue being mean. Or you can say to her, “Honey, it’s not like you to talk about other kids so hurtfully. I know what a kind person you are. That’s not really you.” When she hears what you believe about her, she is more likely to become that person.

It may sound counterintuitive. But there’s a powerful secret to parenting that will help your kids unlock their full potential. And it will greatly strengthen your family as a result: Your kids will succeed not at the level of their capacity, but at the level they believe their capacity to be. And you play a big role in what their belief is.

Even when your kids are grown and have children of their own, you need to encourage and support them. They face challenges every day. And sometimes they fail—just like you and I did at their age. They may be starting their own business… or moving into the family business. They may be going through a rough patch in their marriage. Their kids may be having a difficult time at school. It’s tough out there. Your kids—and your grandkids, if you have them—need to know that someone who cares about them still believes in them.

Creating a positive Pygmalion Effect for your kids will flow over onto future generations as well. When your kids have self-confidence, they choose healthy relationships. They apply for better jobs. They socialize with people who are more self-motivated. Most important, they treat their kids—your grandchildren—with the same respect they have gotten from you. Overall, they are more successful in life. And your family becomes more successful as a result.

Don’t give your kids false hope. Don’t push them into something for which they do not have the talent or skills to succeed.

But do help them see their full potential. Do support a “can do” mentality by letting them know they can face what is coming and achieve what they reach for. Do tell them you believe they will accomplish whatever they set out to do.

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Life Lessons to Teach Kids Before They Leave Home

Joel Peterson, LinkedIn, December 10, 2013

As a parent, I’ve felt the temptation many times to sit my kids down and drill them on life’s important lessons—especially the ones I had to learn the hard way. But we all know kids insist on making their own mistakes. My admonitions wouldn’t have worked on them any better than my parents’ lectures worked on me.

If you’ve come to the same conclusion, though, don’t despair: there’s still a way to get through to them. Your kids are always taking mental notes, even when you’re not looking. Like it or not, your actions are at the core of what your kids will take with them into their adult lives. Seen through their young eyes, what you say and do in your own life will be the example they retain in spite of themselves.

Had I been able to put into words the living lecture I’d have wanted to give my own kids for a head start in life, it would have gone something like this:

Don’t be afraid to fail: If you never fail at anything, you may be aiming too low, playing it safe, and doing what Stephen Covey used to call “playing par 9 golf.” So, keep challenging yourself, even—and especially—after defeats. Emerson wrote, “When it’s darkest, men see the stars.” Failure and adversity are among the best ways to grow and to learn.

Find the good in yourself. We all deserve to feel good about ourselves, without the need to derive our sense of self-worth from the people around us. The opinions of those around you—though worth considering—are slender reeds on which to base your self-image. Instead, pick what matters most to you and stick with it.

And see the good in others, too. The harvest from showing genuine interest and respect to others is almost invariably an increase in your own self-esteem. The world is full of other people, so don’t go through life dismissing them, seeking distance from them, or being shy or afraid. Showing respect—and even reverence—for other humans is virtually always a “win-win” proposition.

There’s no substitute for hard work. Honest work may be the surest path to self-respect. Hard work is a privilege—it allows you to discover the depth of your own abilities, and to see the potential in others. Go the extra mile, and see how good you can be at something. The harder you work, the less crowded a road you’ll find—fewer people than you think embrace work as a central path to self-worth.

Building great habits is critical. The more of them you have, the more capacity you’ll have to handle the many competing claims life throws at you. Good habits can take you to unanticipated heights—and in ways that’ll almost feel effortless. The “muscle memory” from having developed good habits in your youth (yes, including basics like eating right, good sleep, hygiene, regular study and exercise) will sustain you when others flag. Abraham Lincoln said, “by the age of 40, every man has the face he deserves.” So it is that your habits will lead you to a destiny you earn.

Don’t expect fairness—at least in the short run. To deal with life’s unfairness, focus on the future, not on the past. Whatever happens, don’t wallow. Concentrate on others, not on yourself. Legendary Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi reminded players that, “it’s not how many times you’re knocked down, but how many times you get up again, that’ll determine your destiny.” The message: just keep getting up.

Be kind—it has more power than you think. In Aesop’s fable about strength, the Sun’s warm rays win out over the gale force of the North Wind. This gentle approach to influencing others may not be obvious in your early years. A bit of subtle kindness costs nothing, but can have huge benefits. Remember that it doesn’t take much to help lift someone’s burden, to say a kind word, to notice a success.

Take yourself out of the center. The most miserable people I know live in a self-designed universe that revolves eternally around them. To keep their planets aligned, they desperately amass power, money, or fame—but their supernova usually ends up a black hole. One way to avoid this is by helping those less fortunate than you. As Helen Keller said, “There is no better way to thank God for your sight than by giving a helping hand to someone in the dark.”

Embrace reality. President John Adams said, “Facts are stubborn things.” You can’t change reality, so you need to face it head on. It might sound crazy, but you should seek out bad news—the earlier you find it, the earlier you can do something about it before it gets worse. Look for problems and become the solution. Nothing good ever comes of avoiding the hard truths.

"Solve" for the long term. It’s crucial to be deliberate about your life. One way to approach this is to ask yourself: What am I solving for? Pleasure is short-lived. Even happiness is dependent on circumstances, and temporary. But joy—or deeper satisfaction—is rooted in meaning. Joy lives beyond the moment and despite present circumstances; and it can be conjured when needed. Peace is the ultimate resolution of a life well lived. It derives from finding a oneness with a purpose outside of yourself. In your own life make peace the quest that trumps the constant allure of pleasure.

Consider keeping your own list of what you want to impart to your kids before they leave home. Even if you never show it to them directly, it’ll serve as a map in case you need to make a few of your own course corrections.

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The Defense Never Rests: Workbook for Budding Apologists

The Defense Never Rests: Workbook for Budding Apologists

The Defense Never Rests:
A Workbook for Budding Apologists

William Lane Craig and Joseph Tang

A fill-in-the-blank workbook on Christian Apologetics based on the work of William Lane Craig. Topics include various arguments for God's existence, the Trinity, incarnation, atoning death, and resurrection of Jesus. Requires the Teacher's Handbook of the same title in order to complete. Suitable for bright children as young as eight years old.

The Defense Never Rests

The Defense Never Rests: Teacher's Handbook

Read more: http://www.reasonablefaith.org/rf/the-defense-never-rests-book#ixzz1xCr32Qqm

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A Christian Worldview and Today´s Youth!

By Lonnie Davis

During my studies in the area of Christian apologetics and philosophy, I came across what I consider to be a wonderful tool for grounding youth in a Christian worldview—it is William Lane Craig and Joseph Tang’s course, The Defense Never Rests. (See the store section at www.reasonablefaith.org if you’re interested in ordering.) The course was put together by Joseph Tang (Australia) for his Sunday school class (ages 8 and above) and is based on Dr. Craig’s work in the area of apologetics, philosophy, arguments for the existence of God, etc.—in other words, preparing youth at an early age to understand and defend the Christian worldview so as to meet the cultural challenges that they will face throughout their life.

A worldview has been defined as being “like a lens through which you see things, and you’re not really aware of the lens; you’re only aware of the things you see … so it becomes the glasses, the spectacles, the filter through which [you’re] actually seeing life and the whole universe and the world, and human life is understood through that lens…. Nobody is without a worldview. The only question is, is it a good one or a bad one? On the basis of your worldview, you make your momentary judgments in life. Everyone has a worldview, and I think it is the grid that forms the nature of reality for you and the judgments that you make for yourself and others in your life.” A well-rounded worldviewis also said to include beliefs in at least five major areas: God, ultimate reality (metaphysics), knowledge (epistemology), ethics, and humankind.1 (See the followingYouTube video, “What Is Worldview?” for a more in-depth synopsis of the Christian worldview— http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Txez9sJUtaE.)

I have been working through the course with my grandson (10 years old), and he really enjoys the classes and always looks forward to the next one, as they are very intellectually and spiritually stimulating. (I also supplement the classes with YouTube clips of Dr. Craig’s and other prominent philosophers and apologists’ lectures, debates, etc.) From our conversations during the classes, I can tell that there were some foundational pillars missing in his understanding of basic Christian beliefs, even of what would be expected to be understood at his age, which the course is helping to build up and strengthen. However, more importantly, I see the course as preparing him to think critically, in the sense of judging other worldviews that he will be faced with, and then coming to his own conclusion on which worldview he will find to be the most rational and intellectually sound. The course gives a very strong philosophical and theological argument for the Christian worldview, which gives the student the foundation on which to assess other worldviews and thereby come to his/her own conclusion when choosing their worldview as they mature.

I would highly recommend this course to all parents who have children in the 8–13 age range, regardless of their educational milieu—public, private, or home schooling. To teach the course effectively, the teacher will need to be familiar with Dr. Craig’s book,Reasonable Faith (also found at www.reasonablefaith.org), as this is what the course is based on. This is certainly a plus for the parent/teacher, as in the course of teaching the child, the parent and/or teacher is also taking the course, which will be a strength to them as well. Reasonable Faith is a tremendous book and is basically a summary of all that one needs to know regarding Christian apologetics/philosophy.

In the introduction of Reasonable Faith, Dr. Craig states, “In high school and college, Christian teenagers are intellectually assaulted with every manner of non-Christian worldview, coupled with an overwhelming relativism. If parents are not intellectually engaged with their faith and do not have sound arguments of Christian theism and good answers to their children’s questions, then we are in real danger of losing our youth. It’s no longer enough to teach our children Bible stories; they need doctrine and apologetics.” The goal and purpose of The Defense Never Rests course is to get a jump on the “intellectual assault” at an early age, before the child enters the higher grades, where the assault intensifies.

I was listening to a new podcast from Dr. Craig this morning—“Important International Influences”—and he mentioned something that I thought was very interesting regarding the organization Focus on the Family and how they are now expanding their focus to include apologetics, as they see the need for their youth membership to be more equipped in meeting the challenge of secular society, and more specifically, the naturalist, atheist, and scientism ideologies that are so prevalent in today’s world. Their new program is called “True You.” Dr. Craig will be one of the guest apologists that they will be filming for the course. Here’s the blurb from Craig about the program: “They have sensed the need of intellectual engagement with our culture and with worldview thinking, so they are sponsoring projects like this ‘True You’ project … [which is based on] interviews with scholars and addresses the pertinent issues today in regards to the Christian faith.”

He finished his podcast with this revealing testimony as to how the Christian worldview in the West is waning and the need for Christians to be actively and intellectually engaged in order to have an impact on the society in which they live:

“It’s unfortunate when organizations have to be reactive rather than proactive. Recently at our church, I heard a representative from the Southern Baptist Convention talking about statistical analysis of various generations with regard to the Christian faith. What he shared, if we really took it seriously we would be absolutely horrified and in despair. He said that among the Baby Boom generation, about 65% claim to be Christians. In the generation after that, the Gen-X generation, that drops to 20-some percent; I forget the exact figures. Then the Millennials, the young people today in their early 20s, it’s about 8%. Now if these statistics are really accurate and hold up, it means that we are literally watching before our very eyes the de-Christianization of the United States… It is clear that the churches have not been proactive in commending the faith intellectually to their people. So the incursions of secularism and the new atheism have gone largely unchecked. I think finally people are waking up to the need to give an answer of the hope that is in us. I just pray that it hasn’t come too late.”


1 Ronald H. Nash, The Problem of Evil, chapter from the book, To Everyone An Answer—A Case for the Christian World View, Intervarsity Press, 2004.

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Setting Your Child’s Moral Compass

By Maria Fontaine

Download Audio (5.44MB)

As a parent, you are responsible to set your child’s moral compass. To do that, you have to give thought and consideration to what qualities or values are important to you, and what you want to pass on to your children—for example, the qualities of being like Jesus that are outlined in the Bible and other Christian writings, or qualities that you have seen and admired in others.

It can be easy to take for granted that your children will pick up the right qualities or virtues eventually. Some people might assume that their children will automatically learn all they need to learn simply through their interactions with others, their education, or reading the Bible and other devotional materials appropriate for their age.

It’s true that “it takes a village to raise a child,” as the saying goes. No parents, no matter how loving, diligent, talented, and attentive, are capable of imparting and teachingeverything to their children. Each person who interacts with children, and has the willingness and aptitude to contribute to a child’s upbringing and pass on what he or she can to the child, plays a valuable role in raising them.

However, when the Lord gives you children, He is giving them to you, the parents—to raise, to care for, to love, to nurture, to educate, to shape their character, to prepare them for life. Many other people can help in this monumental task, and some people will play vital, irreplaceable roles—such as dedicated teachers, people your children are close to and look up to, role models, friends, grandparents or grandparent figures, or other relatives.

But as a parent, you are ultimately responsible for your children—for their education, for their training, for their well-being—and that responsibility is lifelong. This is a role that the Lord gave you when He gave you your children. In order to play this role well, you need a vision and a plan of what your priorities are for your children’s care and training and education, in order to see that they are receiving those fundamentals.

What are the things that you feel are most important for them to learn? What are the qualities that you feel are vital for them to develop? Don’t stop at skills or talents or vocations, although you might have some goals for helping them develop their interests along those lines as well. Consider their character development, setting their moral compass, and helping them to develop the fundamental characteristics that are necessary to lead a happy and successful life, regardless of what career path they choose when they grow up.

Once you have a vision for what values you want to impart to your children, it’s helpful to regularly assess whether their needs are being met and whether you are making good progress toward reaching those goals. Are you spending enough quality time with them? Are the other people whom they spend time with contributing to their development? Are they having experiences that will shape their perspectives in a godly way and that help them to understand the lessons they are being taught?

Your children won’t learn the important values in life if they are not taught. They learn by watching, yes. They learn by your example—very much so. But they also need explanation. They need to be taught. They need healthy discussion and conversations that give them a foundation in what is right or wrong, and help them to understand the reasons why. They need clear boundaries that are upheld. They need to be instructed in their work and habits and approach to life. They need to understand that there are consequences when they make the wrong choices.

Parents don’t have to be the primary caregivers for their children in order to be involved and aware. But regardless of how much or how little others are involved in teaching your children, as parents, you are fully responsible for your children and their care and upbringing. You are parents for life. You are responsible to chart a long-term course for raising your children, and you’re responsible to see that they’re getting what they need.

The same is true of devotional material for children and young people, and its role in providing moral and character training for them. The Bible is tremendous, and there are some devotional materials that are wonderful aids in teaching, truly priceless. But no amount of reading can replace the need for you to teach your children those principles, to talk about those principles with them, and then to be examples of applying the principles so that the children see that the values are not just written in books, but that they reflect your personal beliefs and convictions as well.

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Children are not born with knowledge of the virtues. They must learn what they are.¹

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Attaining virtue is like so much else in life: It takes lots of practice. By putting virtues into action over and over again, we help them take root. Eventually they become second nature—they become part of one’s character.²

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Your family is the first and most important school of morality. Home is where your child comes to know right and wrong through the nurturing and protective care of those who love him/her more than anyone else. Teachers should be allies in this endeavor, but they cannot be substitutes. Schools cannot replace parents in the crucial task of molding character in the young.³

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Teach your children to care deeply about the good.⁴

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“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”⁵

Originally published July 2009. Updated and republished November 2011.
Read by Amber Larriva.

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1 William J. Bennett, The Educated Child.

2 William J. Bennett, The Educated Child.

3 William J. Bennett, The Educated Child.

4 William J. Bennett, The Educated Child.

5 Proverbs 22:6.
                                                                copyright@thefamilyinternational

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