Karl Pillemer of Cornell University interviewed nearly 1500 people age 70 to 100+ for his book “30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans.” He asked them what life lessons they would pass on.
Here’s the refrigerator list for regret reduction:
1. Always be honest. Avoid acts of dishonesty, both big and small. Most people suffer from serious regret later in life if they have been less than “fair and square.”
2. Say yes to opportunities. When offered a new opportunity or challenge, you are much less likely to regret saying yes and more likely to regret turning it down.
3. Travel more. Travel while you can, sacrificing other things if necessary to do so. Most people look back on their travel adventures (big and small) as highlights of their lives and regret not having traveled more.
4. Choose a mate with extreme care. The key is not to rush the decision, taking all the time needed to get to know the prospective partner and to determine your compatibility over the long term.
5. Say it now. People wind up saying the sad words “it might have been” by failing to express themselves before it’s too late.
And another important point—go easy on yourself regarding mistakes and bad choices you have made.
And what was the single most frequent piece of advice the older folks offered? Some version of The Golden Rule. In fact, it was probably mentioned more often than any other single piece of advice.
Why was this one mentioned the most and why was it so dominant—by far?
The version of the Golden Rule that most of the experts learned in Sunday school comes from the King James Version of the Bible and goes like this: “All things whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye even so to them.” But one reason why the Golden Rule comes up so frequently is that every religious tradition has a version of it.
Hinduism: “Knowing how painful it is to himself, a person should never do to others what he dislikes when done to him by others.”
Judaism: “What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor.”
And Islam: “None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.”
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