“I want to find myself, who I am.” You sometimes hear people say this phrase when they are going through an identity crisis. An acquaintance of mine told me recently, while talking about the divorce she was going through, that she wanted to “find herself.” She had been going to a psychologist who had been reinforcing that idea to her. She was reading a book on the subject and had put aside the Bible study course she had bought from me because of her new interest. Seeing she was set on her new course, and a client of hers had arrived (she is a hairdresser), I excused myself and said goodbye.
As I sat in my car thinking about what she had said, I opened my Bible to the proverb of the day, Proverbs 18. I no sooner had I started to read, when I came to the second verse which says, “A fool has no delight in understanding, but that his/her heart may discover itself.” Was my friend being a “fool” because she was trying to “discover herself?” In Ecclesiastics 3:11 we read, “He (God) has made everything beautiful in his time: also He has set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God has made from the beginning to the end.” Maybe it is not even possible to find out “who” we are? I remember trying to find myself as a young adult and only becoming more confused and despondent because of it. Boy, was I a mess and the more I looked inward, the worse I got.
Through Jeremiah the prophet the Lord has said, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the Lord search the heart; I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10) If God has put the world in our hearts and our hearts are deceitful above all things, then it makes no sense trying to find ourselves “inside.” Finding ourselves is not the solution. We will only be fooling ourselves into believing something that is not true. We need to accept the reality that we need help.
Jesus goes on to say something that seems to imply the opposite of modern psychology’s and eastern thought’s “finding oneself.” He says, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.” (Luke 9:23-24) One thing is to try to figure out what one’s capabilities are and then when looking for a course or a job, find something where those capabilities will be used, enhanced or developed. I have found through my own life that my capabilities rise to the surface in whatever I am doing and push me in a certain direction. What I think Jesus was saying, was not that we should find ourselves, but rather that if we lose ourselves in service for others, whatever our talents may be, we in fact, find ourselves, or find fulfillment.
Of course, I think Jesus was meaning even more and meant, if we lose ourselves in God’s service for others, we will not only find happiness in service, but eternal rewards in the life to come. So, if you are struggling to find yourself, forget about it. If you really look deep, you’ll see what a hell of a mess you are, and that should help you to look to God for His help, His love and His guidance. Because in the end that is what we are really looking for, God’s will for us in this life. So when we pass through to face death’s reality, He will say, “Well done you good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:21)
I think that God does want us to seek. Jesus said,“Seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you.”(Matthew 7:7) We should seek for truth. But even if we seek within ourselves, if it leads us to the realization that we do not have the answers within, that we are not righteous enough, not smart enough, not strong enough on our own, then, like I said earlier, looking inward should help us realize what a mess we are and cause us to call upon God for his help. The Lord said, “You shall seek me and find me when you shall search for me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13) He also said, “Call upon me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which you know not of.” (Jeremiah 33:3)
In the book of Acts Paul says, “God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwells not in temples made with hands; neither is he worshipped with men’s hands, as though he needed anything, seeing he gives to all life, and breath and all things; and has made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation; that they should seek the Lord, if haply they may feel after him, though he be not far from every one of us; for in him we live and move, and have our being.” (Acts 17- 28a)
Jesus goes on to say, “Behold, I stand at the door (of your heart) and knock, if any man hear my voice and open the door, I will come into him and will sup with him and he with me.” (Revelation 3:20) God, in the God-man Jesus Christ, wants to fellowship with us. He wants to live within our hearts. He wants to be for us a guiding light in this world’s darkness. He wants to give us living waters and be food for our souls. If we call upon His name, we will not be disappointed. Paul declares,“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord, shall be saved.” (Romans 10:13)
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