I have found that the Lord very often uses the tough times to open people’s hearts. In these circumstances we can have a real chance to witness. We may find ourselves praying silently for someone who is going through tough times. But we can also use prayer as an opportunity to witness. Although prayer changes things, requesting something from God is not something many people rely on, so hearing us pray makes a real difference to them.
I work as a nurse in a nursing home. I very often take care of dying patients. In fact, death is the only way our patients are “discharged” from the facility, so it is a big part of the job. At these moments I have often been blessed to speak to the patient about what will happen, and have gotten close to the relatives as well. In a nursing home dying seldom occurs suddenly. Most often there is plenty of time to prepare, and people often start preparing right when they are admitted. When the dying process begins, the patient and relatives are open to speaking about it. It’s okay to ask direct questions about what they believe. In fact, I have found that they will try their best to answer a nurse that speaks plainly about death.
When a patient dies, a number of family members often show up. Before they all arrive, and usually before the patient dies, we will have discussed what to do. They are asked if they wish for a minister to come. Since many Icelanders are not churchgoers, they usually don’t know what to answer. They often ask me, “What do you think?” or “Would he (or she) have wanted that?” or “How is this usually handled?”
I tell them it is up to them, but that often a minister is not requested by the family unless the death was unexpected and the family is dealing with the shock. However, for others this is something they want to do and feel strongly about. Generally people are really open at this time. They might say, “Well, it would be nice to perhaps do something and say a few words.”
At this point I offer my help. The first time I spoke after someone’s death, it was so difficult. I said, “If you like, I can come into the room with you and say a few words to your family.” I immediately thought, “Oh my! What have I said?” I wondered if this was even allowed. But it is; there are no rules or policies that prohibit this. The relatives simply said, “Yes. You know how to do that?” “Sure!” I replied.
The family members all came into the room. We circled around the bed hand in hand. I addressed the Lord and began by thanking Him for how He took the patient, that it was gentle and calm and that the patient was in no pain. I thanked Jesus for the family and for the life the patient had. I thanked Him for the privilege of getting to know them. I asked Him to take care of them, to bless the family in this tough time, to help take care of all the details related to their relative’s passing that are so many yet so important, to give them strength and faith, to help them become closer as a family as a result. The way I prayed was very personal, and they felt that I was addressing Jesus as a personal friend of ours, of theirs.
Each time I do this, it’s different. If there are young people sobbing I tend to keep the prayer shorter, because I cannot help but cry myself. I might use the word “Jesus” more often sometimes, or I may call Him “Lord” for a church-going family. I grew up with a minister dad, so I know how to talk like a minister if that is what they prefer. The Lord just does it, really! If I see that there was not a close relationship with the deceased, I will pray that the family is strengthened, and focus less on the person who passed away. It all depends on the people involved, and it is the Lord that comes through.
I am often surprised by the words that come out in the prayer, and I have a hard time remembering what I said afterwards. I feel the Lord so strongly and have prayed some things that seem to touch people. They are always very grateful and moved. Before I start the prayer, I always feel my heart pounding nervously. I know that this is a moment the family will remember. I know that they have no expectations. They kind of go along with it, and I use that opportunity.
I remember a time when there were three well-accomplished people in the room—a lawyer, a symphonist, and a member of parliament. They were all holding hands in a circle with me around the bed. This important and proud family just let me lead. Oh, how nervous I was. But as I spoke, I felt they were moved. They cried; he was their daddy. They were no different than any other folk.
Of all the times I have been able to witness, these times of standing hand in hand around the bed with people Jesus loves and praying for them are some of the most special to me. To people that have no faith, death is a scary thing and often very sad. I am able to use these difficult moments to witness. I can be strong for others when they cave in. I say Jesus’ name, and speak of Him matter-of-factly. Who knows? This may be the seed that changes their life.
Our words are so powerful if we let our words be His, our lips His, and do our job, whatever it may be, for His glory.
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