How do you say you are sorry? It probably depends on how much you want the person you have offended to realize you are sincere.
If you have done wrong and you want the offended party to accept your forgiveness, here are three important points to follow to help you show that your apology is sincere.
1. Be sincerely sorry! You are not going to convince anyone that your apology is sincere if it is not. A sincere apology starts with you being sincerely sorry. Ask God to help you to see what you have done and to be sincerely penitent. King David prayed against the sins of pride which cause us to be blind to our mistakes. He prayed, “Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me.”[1] In order to be sincere we must see our mistakes for what they are and how they have affected others. When we hurt others, we hurt God as they are part of His creation. Jesus said, “In as much as you have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me.”[2] David also prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”[3] It is important to get your heart right with God to be truly sorry and to convince others of the same. So pray. Ask God for His help. Ask Him to help you to see your sin or mistake. Ask Him to help you to be truly sorry. A sincerely sorry and penitent heart will find forgiveness.
2. Stop the wrong behavior! Someone has wisely said that being sorry means to turn around and go the other way. Paul said, “Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that you sorrowed to repentance… For godly sorrow works repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world works death.”[4] Some people are sorry because they got caught, or because they know it is the right thing to do and it is polite. They want to look good in front of others, in the eyes of others. But their sorrow is only superficial. If one is really sorry, it is going to cause a change in one´s behavior, or repentance. One will stop doing the offending behavior, whatever that may be. For example, if a father or husband is getting angry and losing his temper, he may realize that the extra cup of wine opens the gate for anger to come through. Therefore, he will stop the drinking to prevent that barrier to be passed. The word “metanoia” in the Greek, translated as "repentance" in the New Testament, actually means change or have a revolution. In the Google it says the definition of "metanoia" is a "change in one's way of life resulting from penitence or spiritual conversion."[5] When John the Baptist was yelling, “Repent,” he was actually calling for a revolution. He was calling out to people to change. If we are truly sorry, we will stop manifesting the offending behavior that we are sorry for. Others will lose confidence in us if we keep repeating the offending behavior. It will show that we are not really sorry.
3. Deliver the apology in person! If you really want the apology to be believed by the person you have offended, deliver it personally. You may send a gift, like Jacob did to his offended brother Esau[6], or write a note, or a Facebook message. However you do it, the more personable is usually the better. A Facebook conversation could do, but at times a telephone call would do better, or even a face to face encounter. It may be more humbling to apologize in person, but if you are truly sorry and trying to make things right you will be willing to go the extra mile. Sending a verbal message by a third party could make it hard for the person you have offended believe that you are sincere. Do not do it. Pick up the phone. Write a note or go see the person and try to make things right with an honest humble apology. Solomon wrote, “It’s harder to make amends with an offended friend than to capture a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with iron bars.”[7] If you do write a note, the next time you see the person face to face, remind him that you are sorry for what you did.
Let´s recap the three points:
1. Be sincerely sorry.
2. Change the offending behavior.
3. Deliver the apology personally, if possible.
The Bible tells us that we should forgive. When Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Until seven times?”[8] And Jesus responded, “I say not unto you, until seven times: but, Until seven times seven.”[9] In other words, we should forgive continually. Paul also wrote to the Ephesians’ church, “Be ye kind one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ´s sake has forgiven you.”[10] And lastly from the famous chapter on love, “Love suffers long, and is kind.”[11] So follow these suggestions.
Forgiving is not easy and is a constant battle, but a necessary one if we are to stay close to the Lord and avoid the evil seed of bitterness springing up in our life and into the lives of others. “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.”[12]
There are many other aspects to forgiveness. It is a deep subject. The most important of which is that we just need to keep on doing it. It´s a learning process, but the more you do it, the more you´ll find it easier to do. So forgive. Amen?
Footnotes:
[1] Psalm 19:13
[2] Matthew 25:40
[3] Psalm 51:10
[4] 2Corinthians 7:9-10
[6] Genesis 32-33
[7] Proverbs 18:19 NLT
[8] Matthew 18:21
[9] Matthew 18:22
[10] Ephesians 4:32
[11] 1Corinthians 13:4
[12] Hebrews 12:15
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