A compilation
Optimism is believing that good things can happen and that you can effect positive change in your life and in the world. Pessimists underestimate how much control they have. They tend to focus their mental energy on things they can’t do anything about. They also often hold the belief that optimists have their heads in the sand. In reality, though, most optimists can accurately assess what’s going on; they just choose to place their attention on where they have control and influence as well as on positive aspects of situations.
An exercise to help boost optimism involves paying closer attention to the good things you have received in life.
“Like a gratitude journal?”
We call it a “hunk of good stuff” journal. People who make a habit of gratitude have better health, better sleep, better life satisfaction, less depression, less stress, all sorts of things. We have people write down three good things that happened that day and a couple of sentences about each, like what it meant to them and how they’re going to get more of it the next day.—Amanda Enayati1
*
Self-awareness helps you understand your habits of thinking, feeling, and acting so you can ask yourself, “How’s that working for you?” … We teach people to look for patterns. … These patterns are like the glasses that color the way you see all events in your life—good and bad.
One simple way to exercise self-awareness is to keep a journal of your thoughts and beliefs during stressful periods. “What was the first thing that popped into your mind when something happened? And what was that about?”—Amanda Enayati2
*
We each move frequently between at least two realities, unaware we’re doing so. The more primitive one is instinctive, reactive, survival-based and selfish.
The higher one allows us to be intentional, reflective, future-oriented, and generous. In this state, we’re capable of shaping our deepest values, delaying gratification, and making sacrifices that serve the greater good, including our own.
Ask virtually anyone to tell you their mostly deeply held values, and they’ll invariably describe noble ideals such as kindness, compassion, honesty, fairness, respect for others, courage, and generosity.
The challenge is that our survival instincts so often overwhelm our more virtuous ones. So how do we learn to rise to our best selves more often?
The first answer is to acknowledge how often we fall short of the ideals to which we aspire—and how much help we need in living them more fully.
Instead, we too often use our highest intellectual capacities, after the fact, to defend, rationalize, and minimize behaviors that actually violate our professed values. Or to blame others, or circumstances beyond our control.
I see this in myself every day. I value a healthy body, but I succumb to unhealthy foods. I believe deeply in kindness, but I don’t always act kindly. I am appalled at the fact that we’re profligately burning down our planet’s limited resources, but I live in a house that’s far bigger than I need.
I’m outraged by the fact that billions of people live in abject poverty, in the midst of plenty, but I continue to live an exceptionally comfortable life, and only allocate a modest percentage of my income to helping others.
And I rationalize. I tell myself I do more than most. That my work is about helping people. Or I try not to think about my contradictions.
The second step—mine, ours—is to actively challenge our infinite capacity for self-deception. In the simplest and most personal terms, that means seeking to hold ourselves more accountable to our deepest values, through our behaviors, every day.
It dawned on me thinking about all this recently that I need to be more literal about accountability, because otherwise the relentless demands of everyday life simply take over.
I decided to start keeping track, in a daily journal, of how I’m doing. If I say my health matters, what did I do to take care of it? What did I eat, and what exercise did I do, and how much did I sleep? If I say kindness matters, how did my behavior reflect that, or violate it?
Each of us is either adding value to the world we live in or spending it down, by the sum of our actions. That’s true no matter how you spend your days.
As Marian Wright Edelman put it, “We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small differences we can make which, over time, add up to the big differences that we often cannot foresee.”
Living intentionally, and by your deepest values, requires not just awareness and intentionality, but also sacrifice.
We all instinctively and automatically move towards pleasure. It takes no effort to be impulsive or reactive. What’s endlessly difficult is to challenge our comfort zone, to transcend our survival instincts, and to reach beyond ourselves.
We’re either growing, or we’re getting weaker. There’s no standing still. … We’re either part of the solution or we’re part of the problem.—Tony Schwartz3
*
On a recent hectic business trip to Florence, I lucked out; my client booked me into the Four Seasons. The hotel consists of two restored Renaissance palaces, separated by 11 acres of garden. I was thrilled.
That is, until I arrived and saw that my room was in the more distant building. Every time I entered the hotel, I had to walk the length of the garden to my room.
My days were jam-packed with consulting, and I still had all my other work to take care of. That long, forced walk was going to steal valuable time in my day, time I could scarcely afford.
At first I entered the garden annoyed and walked through with speed and determination. But, to my surprise, each time I walked through the garden, I walked a little more slowly. Eventually, that garden walk became a transformative experience. As I meandered along the winding paths, my mind began to wander too, making connections, drawing insights, and developing ideas.
In our fast-paced, productivity-focused lives and workplaces, we are losing our gardens—literally and figuratively. We need to reclaim them.
I have no time to think. Possibly the six scariest words. … But they don’t scare us anymore because they are so commonplace.
It’s not that we’re unproductive; we’re astoundingly productive. Actually, in some ways, our productivity is the problem. Something’s lost in an environment of manic productivity: learning.
These busy days, we rarely analyze our experiences thoughtfully, contemplate the views of others carefully, or evaluate how the outcomes of our decisions should affect our future choices. Those things take time. They require us to slow down. And who has the time for that? So we reflect less and limit our growth.
Often, it’s only when our lives are forcibly disrupted that we slow down long enough to learn. An illness, a job loss, the death of a loved one—they all compel us to stop and think and evaluate things. But those are unwelcome disruptions and, hopefully, they don’t occur often.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could learn continuously without forced disruptions? If we could disrupt ourselves for a few moments every day in order to think and learn?
What we need is a few minutes to walk in a metaphorical garden.
Think about where you do your best thinking and make it a habit to go there daily.
One garden walk is outdoor exercise.
Another is writing. As I write, my ideas develop and my experiences gently nudge me towards my continuously developing worldview. There’s no need to share the writing—a private journal works well—and it doesn’t have to take more than a few minutes.
Conversations with friends and colleagues reliably provide me with a refreshing and instructive walk in the garden.—Peter Bregman4
*
If you're serious about becoming a wealthy, powerful, sophisticated, healthy, influential, cultured and unique individual, keep a journal. Don't trust your memory. When you listen to something valuable, write it down. When you come across something important, write it down.
I used to take notes on pieces of paper and torn-off corners and backs of old envelopes. I wrote ideas on restaurant placemats. On long sheets, narrow sheets, and little sheets and pieces of paper thrown in a drawer. Then I found out that the best way to organize those ideas is to keep a journal. I've been keeping these journals since the age of twenty-five. The discipline makes up a valuable part of my learning, and the journals are a valuable part of my library.
I am a buyer of blank books. Kids find it interesting that I would buy a blank book. They say, “Twenty-six dollars for a blank book! Why would you pay that?” The reason I pay twenty-six dollars is to challenge myself to find something worth twenty-six dollars to put in there. All my journals are private, but if you ever got ahold of one of them, you wouldn't have to look very far to discover it is worth more than twenty-six dollars.
I must admit, if you got a glimpse of my journals, you'd have to say that I am a serious student. I'm not just committed to my craft; I'm committed to life, committed to learning new concepts and skills.
Keeping a journal is so important. I call it one of the … treasures to leave behind for the next generation. … The ideas that you picked up, the information that you meticulously gathered. Journal writing is one of the greatest indications that you're a serious student. It is challenging to be a student of your own life, your own future, your own destiny. Take the time to keep notes and to keep a journal. You'll be so glad you did. What a treasure to leave behind when you go. What a treasure to enjoy today!—Jim Rohn
*
Write things down. This is the most common, recurring practice we have encountered [in those who claim to have excellent quality of life]. Whether it’s carrying a pen and small pad of paper or a PDA, the practice is to always have something to write down tasks and ideas that randomly come to mind. Combined with discipline, this leads to a state where one is doing in life what one has determined they ought to be doing; all the while eliminating the negative emotional toll of guilt.—Kit Cooper5
*
In life, you often hear the excuse. “I wish I could—spend more time with my family, start my own business, chase a goal, travel, or volunteer … but, I just don’t have the time.” You have the time … you are simply spending it somewhere else. You are a human and will make time for what you see as a priority. The question is—are you prioritizing the correct things?
You have the exact same amount of time in a day that Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, Copernicus, and da Vinci had. You have the exact same amount of time in a day that Michael Dell, Bill Gates, and Oprah Winfrey have. The question is not—Do you have the time? The question is—How are you spending the time that you do have?
Begin to keep a journal and log the time you spend every day. Do this for at least two weeks. Track the time you spend getting ready for work, in your automobile, at the office, eating out, reading, in entertainment, watching television, surfing the internet, or simply doing nothing. You may be surprised at the amount of time that you spend on unproductive matters. It is often shocking how much time we squander each day and will never get back.
Life can become so overwhelming that as we get caught up in the rat race, we are not aware of how we are spending our time. It may be time for a time inventory of your life. First begin by journaling what is most important to you in your life. Then track how [you spend] your time for two weeks. It could be very eye opening.
You have no cause to complain for your lack of time, only your management of that time. Time plays no favorites—[you] will either be its slave or it will be yours. You make time every day for what you value. What do you value?—Ron White6
*
I’ve titled my journal Of Things Believed, of Things Received. Journaling started out for me on paper and then morphed into its present electronic form, which is easiest for me, as I can simply update it while I’m in the midst of other computer work. In digital format it’s also easier for me to organize, as I can hyperlink and cross-reference throughout the process, something I couldn’t achieve very well on paper. I keep mine year to year, beginning a new version yearly. I also keep it organized under monthly entries.
It began as an offshoot of me keeping a prophecy book or record: There were certain aspects of my life and spiritual walk with the Lord that I felt were important to keep a record of, over and above the specific prophecies I would receive. Now it includes my prophecies but goes beyond that.
It’s become a friend and counselor to me, and often, like having someone to hear you out and share your thoughts with, it clarifies and helps me sort out my thought processes, my spiritual progress, my hopes, my dreams, my goals. It helps me to recognize and deal with my fears, mistakes, and setbacks. It’s also a good source of reflection; I can see where I’ve been, review progress and lessons, and chart the future.
My journal contains more than a record of events; in fact, my record of day-to-day events is kept very minimal. What it does contain are personal thoughts, observations, reflections, and, yes, even rants. It’s got a smattering of poems, quotations, and even the odd favorite anecdote. Recorded are my battles and victories, my progress and setbacks, my hopes and dreams.
It has become such a rich experience for me, helping me to understand myself more fully, appreciate the life the Lord has given me, and recognize both the hand of and the voice of God in my life more completely, so much so that I’ve felt a desire to suggest and encourage others to try it.—John Hislop
Published on Anchor January 2012.
