The Voice- Poem

by Frederick Buechner. 

The voice we should listen to most

as we choose a vocation

is the voice that we might think

we should listen to least,

and that is the voice of our own gladness.

What can we do that makes us the gladdest,

what can we do that leaves us

with the strongest sense of sailing true north and of peace,

which is much of what gladness is?

Is it making things with our hands out of wood

or stone or paint or canvas?

Or is it making something we hope like truth out of words?

Or is it making people laugh or weep

in a way that cleanses their spirit?

I believe that if it is a thing that makes us truly glad,

then it is a good thing and it is our thing

and it is the calling voice that

we were made to answer with our lives.

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A Surprising Shortcut to Better Health!

Posted: 06 May 2012 04:11 AM PDTBy Tara Parker-Pope, NY Times, May 4, 2012



For more than a decade, Gretchen Reynolds has been writing about the science of health and fitness. Her weekly column, Phys Ed, is one of the paper’s most popular features, regularly appearing on top of the “Most E-mailed” list. Now Ms. Reynolds has distilled the knowledge gained from years of fitness reporting into a new book, “The First 20 Minutes: Surprising Science Reveals How We Can Exercise Better, Train Smarter, Live Longer,” published last month.


While the subtitle alone makes bold promises about the potential of exercise to protect the human body, the most surprising message from Ms. Reynolds is not that we all need to exercise more—or at least not the way exercise is typically defined by the American public. Ms. Reynolds makes a clear distinction between the amount of exercise we do to improve sports performance and the amount of exercise that leads to better health. To achieve the latter, she explains, we don’t need to run marathons, sweat it out on exercise bikes or measure our peak oxygen uptake. We just need to do something.


“Humans,” she writes, “are born to stroll.”


I recently spoke with Ms. Reynolds about the science of exercise. Here’s our conversation.


Q. Why did you choose “The First 20 Minutes” for the title of a fitness book?


A. The first 20 minutes of moving around, if someone has been really sedentary, provide most of the health benefits. You get prolonged life, reduced disease risk—all of those things come in in the first 20 minutes of being active.


I wanted people to understand that this is a book about how little exercise you can do in order to get lots and lots of health benefits. Two-thirds of Americans get no exercise at all. If one of those people gets up and moves around for 20 minutes, they are going to get a huge number of health benefits, and everything beyond that 20 minutes is, to some degree, gravy.


That doesn’t mean I’m suggesting people should not exercise more if they want to. You can always do more. But the science shows that if you just do anything, even stand in place 20 minutes, you will be healthier.


Q. Is part of the problem that people equate exercise with trying to lose weight, and many of them have given up?


A. I think a lot of people look to exercise to help them lose weight, and when they don’t lose weight immediately with exercise, they quit. They return to the couch, and they basically never move again. What is lost in that is that fitness is almost certainly more important than fatness.


If you are overweight but fit, meaning you have a reasonably good V012 max (a measure of oxygen uptake), then your risk of premature death, all the chronic diseases—diabetes, heart disease, cancer—will drop. If you have to choose, choose to be fit, whether you lose weight or not.


If someone starts an exercise program and improves his fitness, even if he doesn’t lose an ounce, he will generally have a longer life and a much healthier life. It would be nice if people would look at exercise as a way to make themselves feel better and live longer and not necessarily as a way to make themselves skinnier.


Q. In researching this book, what did you find are the biggest misconceptions about exercise?


A. One of the biggest misconceptions is that exercise has to be hard, that exercise means marathon running or riding your bike for three hours or doing something really strenuous. That’s untrue and, I think, discourages a lot of people from exercising. If you walk, your body registers that as motion, and you get all sorts of physiological changes that result in better health. What would be nice would be for people to identify with the whole idea of moving more as opposed to quote “exercise.”


Q. A regular theme of your column is the risks of being sedentary. What’s more important to health: exercise or sedentary behavior?


A. It’s also an important theme in the book. There are two things going on: One is activity, and the other is inactivity, and they have different effects on the body. There is a whole scientific discipline called inactivity physiology that looks at what happens if you just sit still for hours at a time. If the big muscles in your legs don’t contract for hours on end, then you get physiological changes in your body that exercise won’t necessarily undo. Exercise causes one set of changes in your body, and being completely sedentary causes another.


Q. Has writing this book changed your own approach to fitness?


A. It validated some of the things I was already doing, like not stretching before a workout, which I always hated doing. I hated sit-ups and found out they were bad for your back. I was pleased to learn that. It has changed how I approach hydration in exercise. Now I drink when I’m thirsty, and it seems to be completely fine.


I also exercise a whole lot less. Partly it’s because I have less time, but it’s also because I have learned that I don’t have to do more to be healthy. My main goal now is not to be competitive. What I really want is to be healthy and to set a good example for my son. I want to be around for the next 40 years, and the science seems to show very clearly that you don’t have to do a lot to make yourself a whole lot healthier.


I run a couple of miles most days. I used to feel like if I didn’t run five miles it didn’t count. Now I’m very content to get out for half an hour or 20 minutes, and I feel reasonably healthy after that.


Q. And you told me that you also stand more?


A. I really do stand up at least every 20 minutes now, because I was spending five or six hours unmoving in my chair. The science is really clear that that is very unhealthy, and that it promotes all sorts of disease. All you have to do to ameliorate that is to stand up. You don’t even have to move. I’m standing up right now as I talk on the phone. I stand during most of my interviews now.


Q. What is your advice for people reading this—what should they go do today?


A. If people want to be healthier and prolong their life span, all they really need to do is go for a walk. It’s the single easiest thing anyone can do. There are some people who honestly can’t walk, so I would say to those people to try to go to the local Y.M.C.A. and swim.


There are always options for moving. You don’t have to do anything that hurts. You don’t have to buy equipment. If you have a pair of shoes, they don’t even have to be sneakers. People have gotten the idea that exercise has to be complicated, and that they need a heart rate monitor, and a coach, and equipment and special instruction. They don’t.


The human body is a really excellent coach. If you listen to it, it will tell you if you’re going hard enough, if you’re going too hard. If it starts to hurt, then you back off. It should just feel good, because we really are built to move, and not moving is so unnatural. Just move, because it really can be so easy, and it really can change your life

.

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MAY 7, 2012

Choose Joy!

By Jesus, speaking in prophecy

Download Audio (11.9MB)

My joy is your strength. What is more, My joy is freely available to you, and you’re entitled to have it, feel it, live it. But many of you are hindered from having My joy simply because you don’t think you feel very happy or have very much to be happy about.

The key to having My joy in your hearts is to remember that this is My joy, not yours. Having My joy in your heart doesn’t mean that you’re happy with everything in your life exactly the way it is; it means that I’m happy and have promised to extend that happiness and joy over you so that it can envelop you. It’s from My heart, given to you when you ask for it and make room for it.

What makes Me happy is very different from what you think makes you happy. My joy isn’t based on fleeting things that come and go, or circumstances. My joy is based on the happy future, what will come to be, what potential there is in each situation, and what potential there is in you. My joy is based on the eternal things, on loving and reveling in all the words of heaven, the joy of My creations, the joy of love, and all the other true, eternal joys that money can’t buy.

Learn to find your joy in these things too, because that’s where My joy lies. If you want My joy, ask for it, and ask Me to help you to see the things that are worth smiling about. If you think about how you feel, well, you may not feel very joyful, because there are all kinds of obstacles and worries and condemnation and guilt trips and stress and many other joy-killers that can rob you of that special strength that comes from My joy.

But when you’re feeling any or all of these negative emotions, look up and reach up to Me, where My joy is. My joy enables you to be happy even if things aren’t perfect in your earthly situation, because I see beyond today. If I can be happy despite your weaknesses and whatever messes you’ve made, can’t you be happy too? If I can be happy for you, because I know that things will turn out all right in the future, and that I have strength available for you in the present, can’t you also avail yourself of that joy if I give it to you?

Yes, you can. I want you to be happy even if things aren’t perfect yet, or if all the physical circumstances around you aren’t lined up to perfection. You can be happy if you rejoice with My joy. My joy allows you to be happy and praiseful even when you are surrounded by many cares, because it comes from the highest heavens, way, way beyond any of these earthly problems.

There is so much joy to be found with Me, so much happiness, so much love in heaven, so many successes and triumphs in your future, and so many blessings and wonderful things to be found in your present. There really is so much to be happy about. You can be happy even despite the seemingly unhappy things, because there is a world of joy beyond yours, yet not out of your reach.

I’m your bridge, your door to that world. Through Me and claiming My joy—which you are entitled to through being My child—you can gain access to that happier world, no matter what’s going on here. You can be happy anyhow—not just with smiles through your tears, but with peals of heavenly laughter ringing in your voice!

To have My joy you must accept My love, and accept that I want to free you from the things that weigh on you and make you sad, and that I want to make you happy and joyful and free in Me! And the first step to receiving My joy is to choose to not focus on the negatives.

Refuse to let stress, negativity, comparing, condemnation, or whatever is haunting you, have any further sway over your life, heart, and emotions.

You have to make an effort to enter into My joy.

There will be obstacles, many physical and emotional reasons why you think it’s illogical and impossible for you to be happy, but don’t focus on those things. Focus on Me! Focus on the fact that you love Me and that the love we share together enables you to partake of My joy, peace, happiness, faith, love, heavenly perspective, and all the joys of heaven. My love sets you free from the need to feel condemned, or discouraged, or stressed, or any of those joy-killers, because My love loves you anyway!

My love loves you when you’re bad, or late, or behind, or sinful, or unloving, or disappointing. My love never stops loving you, and most important, never stops reminding you that victory is right around the corner, because it is. Even when things are looking pretty bleak, I know the best is yet to come, and that you’re going to come through for Me in the end.

To have My joy, it’s vital to keep the eternal vision, not letting the little things that happen here and now have so much of an influence on your happiness and peace. In the eternal perspective, all is well! So look forward with faith, and that will make your present much better too.

You sometimes feel that you can’t be joyful unless all the problems are gone, and as long as something is weighing on you, it steals away your joy and makes you feel that you can’t have fun or be free or even just feel good about living and being alive. The minute something negative crops up, it pokes a pin in your joy balloon.

But My joy is based on so much more than that. I’m happy during the rainstorms of life because I know that above the clouds the sun is still shining. I can see that and know that for a fact, but you can’t unless you tap into My perspective. I say, “Hey, you don’t have to sit there getting rained on. Come fly with Me and I’ll take you above the clouds to where it isn’t raining anymore, to where it’s sunny and happy and joyful and free.”

So you must resist the negatives. You have to fight condemnation and depression. You have to fight to stay free from stress. You have to fight to see things the way I do rather than comparing negatively. And you have to reach for My joy, and act as if you have it. Proceed by faith by doing all the things that you would associate with being joyful. Enjoy yourself! Smile! Praise Me! Love others! Have a great time serving Me and act like you’re free, and you will become so.

My joy is even more real and genuine than all the negative you’re striving so hard to push from your mind. They’re alternate realities, two different ways to look at life, and you can flip the switch fully to the one and make it so that the other hardly exists. If you choose to live in the realm of happiness and freedom, then none of that other stuff can touch you. But conversely, if you decide to dwell in the dens of gloom, then My happiness can seem so far away as to be almost a fantasy. Either reality can consume your mind if you let it.

Start looking for the things in each day that I bring along to make you happy, to give you pleasure or enjoyment or satisfaction or contentment. There are big things too, but focus first on the small things. I want to see you enjoying these gifts of My love guilt-free. I want to see you take pleasure in every blessing that I’ve given you. But I also want to teach you a more permanent joy, a more lasting happiness that isn’t dependent merely on earthly things.

The happiness I bring is faith-based; it sees beyond the moment and revels in the eternal nature of My love for you. It’s the essence of the concept: “If we know that God loves us, we know that everything is going to be okay.” And then I take it a step further to add that if you know that I love you and everything’s going to be okay, then there is nothing to hold you back from having the time of your life seeing what I have in store for you, how I’m going to bring victory, and how I’m going to make you so happy.

My joy is also activated through praise. When you burst out in praise to Me and lift up your heart to Me, it shows Me that you’ve claimed My joy and are living in it, whether you feel like you have or not.

You can be happy; you’re allowed to be. You’re allowed to enjoy life. You’re allowed to live joyfully. You’re allowed to be hopeful for the future even if you’ve made a mess of the present. You’re allowed to believe that I love you even if you think you’ve disappointed Me. You’re allowed to give and share large portions of love, because you’re never going to run out. You’re allowed to have fun and let yourself relax, because these things are good and healthy, and I love to see you do them. And very important, you’re allowed to never, ever have to listen to the Devil again and let him tell you how no-good and worthless you are! You never have to listen to that message of doom and gloom again.

My joy is a state of mind—something that you can consciously choose to put on and accept from Me. It’s not something you’ll necessarily wake up in the morning with. It’s not even going to be something you’re always going to feel like doing. You might feel sad, and if you’re sitting around waiting for My joy to strike you like a lightning bolt, it’s not going to happen.

It’s like faith in that way. Faith doesn’t just hit you; you have to build your faith by reading My Word and making an effort to believe. Then you step out and put your faith into action even if you’re not sure you feel it. You know it’s there because you’ve spent time with Me in My Word, and you’re putting Me to the test.

It’s the same with My promises of joy; My joy is here for you! You can receive it anytime and keep it with you for the rest of your life. That’s how I hope you live always. But don’t go by feelings, because in that land My joy is often obscured. Look to Me, and I will set you free.

Originally published July 2006. Updated and republished May 2012.
Read by Simon Peterson.

copyright@The Family International

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Three Monkeys Sat on a Cocunut Tree!

Three monkeys sat on a coconut tree,
Discussing things as they're said to be.
Said one to the other,
"Now listen you two,
There's a certain rumor
That can't be true ...
That man descended from our noble race.
The very idea is sure to disgrace."
"No monkey ever deserted his wife,
Starved her babies and ruined her life.
And you've never known another monk,
To leave her babies with others to bunk,
Or pass them on from one to another."
"And another thing you will never see ...
Is a monk build a fence around a coconut tree;
And let the coconuts go to waste,
Forbidding all the other monks to taste."
"Why, if I put a fence around this tree,
Starvation would force you to steal from me."
"And here's something else a monk won't do ...
Go out at night and get on a stew;
Or use a gun or club or knife,
To take some other monkey's life."
"Yes, man descended ... ornery cuss,
But, brother, ... he didn't descend from us!

~ Author Unknown ~ 

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Things Don´t Just Happen!

It Didn’t Just Happen
Things just don’t happen to children of God,
They’re part of a wonderful plan;
The troubles, reverses, the sorrows, the rod,
Are strokes of the Great Sculptor's hand. 

When some dread accident strikes you a blow,
And you fret and demand;
Why try so hard the mystery to know?
It's not just an accident; it's planned.

 Have you been dropped from a place of power
Do you wonder and reprimand? '"
Don't rebel, but look to Him in that
This didn't just happen; it's planned

Persecution, tribulation come down like a storm;
Friends disappoint and withstand;
At last, all alone, bewildered, forlorn,
You look, and He smiles: "This is planned".

Do you wonder why God to affliction should call,
And why you must suffer and mown?
"No man should be moved by afflictions" says Paul,
"For you know it is part of the plan.."

Did some dear one sicken and finally die?
Did your heart break with anguish and woe?
Did you question your Lord, and cry: "My God why?"
Don 't question - He planned it just so.

Things just don't happen to children of God,
The blue print was made by His hand;
He designed all details to conform to His Son,
So all things that happen are planned.

"No matter what happens to those called "His own",
Events that are awful or grand;
Every trial of our life He sends from His Throne;
Things just don 't happen, they're planned..

 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God,
 to them who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

May 5, 1950
Pastor H. E. M. Snyder, Newburgh, N Y

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Nine Things Successful People Do Differently!

Nine Things Successful People Do Differently


Posted: 05 May 2012 05:31 AM PDT


By Heidi Grant Halvorson, HBR, February 25, 2011

Why have you been so successful in reaching some of your goals, but not others? If you aren’t sure, you are far from alone in your confusion. It turns out that even brilliant, highly accomplished people are pretty lousy when it comes to understanding why they succeed or fail. The intuitive answer—that you are born predisposed to certain talents and lacking in others—is really just one small piece of the puzzle. In fact, decades of research on achievement suggests that successful people reach their goals not simply because of who they are, but more often because of what they do.


1. Get specific. When you set yourself a goal, try to be as specific as possible. “Lose 5 pounds” is a better goal than “lose some weight,” because it gives you a clear idea of what success looks like. Knowing exactly what you want to achieve keeps you motivated until you get there. Also, think about the specific actions that need to be taken to reach your goal. Just promising you’ll “eat less” or “sleep more” is too vague—be clear and precise. “I’ll be in bed by 10pm on weeknights” leaves no room for doubt about what you need to do, and whether or not you’ve actually done it.


2. Seize the moment to act on your goals. Given how busy most of us are, and how many goals we are juggling at once, it’s not surprising that we routinely miss opportunities to act on a goal because we simply fail to notice them. Did you really have no time to work out today? No chance at any point to return that phone call? Achieving your goal means grabbing hold of these opportunities before they slip through your fingers.


To seize the moment, decide when and where you will take each action you want to take, in advance. Again, be as specific as possible (e.g., “If it’s Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I’ll work out for 30 minutes before work.”) Studies show that this kind of planning will help your brain to detect and seize the opportunity when it arises, increasing your chances of success by roughly 300%.


3. Know exactly how far you have left to go. Achieving any goal also requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress—if not by others, then by you yourself. If you don’t know how well you are doing, you can’t adjust your behavior or your strategies accordingly. Check your progress frequently—weekly, or even daily, depending on the goal.


4. Be a realistic optimist. When you are setting a goal, by all means engage in lots of positive thinking about how likely you are to achieve it. Believing in your ability to succeed is enormously helpful for creating and sustaining your motivation. But whatever you do, don’t underestimate how difficult it will be to reach your goal. Most goals worth achieving require time, planning, effort, and persistence. Studies show that thinking things will come to you easily and effortlessly leaves you ill-prepared for the journey ahead, and significantly increases the odds of failure.


5. Focus on getting better, rather than being good. Believing you have the ability to reach your goals is important, but so is believing you can get the ability. Many of us believe that our intelligence, our personality, and our physical aptitudes are fixed—that no matter what we do, we won’t improve. As a result, we focus on goals that are all about proving ourselves, rather than developing and acquiring new skills.


Fortunately, decades of research suggest that the belief in fixed ability is completely wrong—abilities of all kinds are profoundly malleable. Embracing the fact that you can change will allow you to make better choices, and reach your fullest potential. People whose goals are about getting better, rather than being good, take difficulty in stride, and appreciate the journey as much as the destination.


6. Have grit. Grit is a willingness to commit to long-term goals, and to persist in the face of difficulty. Studies show that gritty people obtain more education in their lifetime, and earn higher college GPAs. Grit predicts which cadets will stick out their first grueling year at West Point. In fact, grit even predicts which round contestants will make it to at the Scripps National Spelling Bee.


The good news is, if you aren’t particularly gritty now, there is something you can do about it. People who lack grit more often than not believe that they just don’t have the innate abilities successful people have. If that describes your own thinking …. well, there’s no way to put this nicely: you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, effort, planning, persistence, and good strategies are what it really takes to succeed. Embracing this knowledge will not only help you see yourself and your goals more accurately, but also do wonders for your grit.


7. Build your willpower muscle. Your self-control “muscle” is just like the other muscles in your body—when it doesn’t get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals.


To build willpower, take on a challenge that requires you to do something you’d honestly rather not do. Give up high-fat snacks, do 100 sit-ups a day, stand up straight when you catch yourself slouching, try to learn a new skill. When you find yourself wanting to give in, give up, or just not bother—don’t. Start with just one activity, and make a plan for how you will deal with troubles when they occur (“If I have a craving for a snack, I will eat one piece of fresh or three pieces of dried fruit.”) It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier, and that’s the whole point. As your strength grows, you can take on more challenges and step-up your self-control workout.


8. Don’t tempt fate. No matter how strong your willpower muscle becomes, it’s important to always respect the fact that it is limited, and if you overtax it you will temporarily run out of steam. Don’t try to take on two challenging tasks at once, if you can help it (like quitting smoking and dieting at the same time). And don’t put yourself in harm’s way—many people are overly-confident in their ability to resist temptation, and as a result they put themselves in situations where temptations abound. Successful people know not to make reaching a goal harder than it already is.


9. Focus on what you will do, not what you won’t do. Do you want to successfully lose weight, quit smoking, or put a lid on your bad temper? Then plan how you will replace bad habits with good ones, rather than focusing only on the bad habits themselves. Research on thought suppression (e.g., “Don’t think about white bears!”) has shown that trying to avoid a thought makes it even more active in your mind. The same holds true when it comes to behavior—by trying not to engage in a bad habit, our habits get strengthened rather than broken.


If you want to change your ways, ask yourself, What will I do instead? For example, if you are trying to gain control of your temper and stop flying off the handle, you might make a plan like “If I am starting to feel angry, then I will take three deep breaths to calm down.” By using deep breathing as a replacement for giving in to your anger, your bad habit will get worn away over time until it disappears completely.


Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D. is a motivational psychologist, and author of the new book Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals (Hudson Street Press, 2011).

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Twelve Important Lessons! -Tony Schwartz

Turning 60: The Twelve Most Important Lessons I’ve Learned So Far


By Tony Schwartz, HBR, May 1, 2012

Tomorrow is my birthday—always an opportunity for reflection, but especially this time. For several weeks now, I’ve been thinking about what I’ve learned during the past six decades that really matters. Here’s a first pass:


1. The more we know about ourselves, the more power we have to behave better. Humility is underrated. We each have an infinite capacity for self-deception—countless unconscious ways we protect ourselves from pain, uncertainty, and responsibility—often at the expense of others and of ourselves. Endless introspection can turn into self-indulgence, but deepening self-awareness is essential to freeing ourselves from our reactive, habitual behaviors.


2. Notice the good. We each have a predisposition to dwell on what’s wrong in our lives. The antidote is to deliberately taketime out each day to notice what’s going right, and to feel grateful for what you’ve got. It’s probably a lot.


3. Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.


4. Never seek your value at the expense of someone else’s. When we’re feeling devalued, our reactive instinct is to do anything to restore what we’ve lost. Devaluing the person who made you feel bad will only prompt more of the same in return.


5. Do the most important thing first in the morning and you’ll never have an unproductive day. Most of us have the highest energy early in the day, and the fewest distractions. By focusing for a designated period of time, without interruption, on the highest value task for no more than 90 minutes, it’s possible to get an extraordinary amount of work accomplished in a short time.


6. It’s possible to be excellent at anything, but nothing valuable comes easy and discomfort is part of growth. Getting better at something depends far less on inborn talent than it does the willingness to practice the activity over and over, and to seek out regular feedback, the more precise the better.


7. The more behaviors you intentionally make automatic in your life, the more you’ll get done. If you have to think about doing something each time you do it, you probably won’t do it for very long. The trick is to get more things done using less energy and conscious self-control. How often do you forget to brush your teeth?


8. Slow down. Speed is the enemy of nearly everything in life that really matters. It’s addictive and it undermines quality, compassion, depth, creativity, appreciation and real relationship.


9. The feeling of having enough is magical. It rarely depends on how much you’ve got. More is rarely better. Too much of anything eventually becomes toxic.


10. Do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, and don’t expect anything in return. Your values are one of the only possessions you have that no one can take away from you. Doing the right thing may not always get you what you think you want in the moment, but it will almost always leave you feeling better about yourself in the long run. When in doubt, default to calm and kind.


11. Add more value in the world than you’re using up. We spend down the earth’s resources every day. Life’s primary challenge is to put more back into the world than we take out.


12. Savor every moment—even the difficult ones. It all goes so fast.

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Empathy Is Powerful!

Empathy Is Powerful

By Ginny Whitelaw, Fast Company, 04-30-2012
“Become the other person and go from there.” It’s the best piece of coaching advice I ever received, coming from Tanouye Roshi, and it applies to communication of all kinds. To become the other person is to listen so deeply that our own mindchatter stops; to listen with every pore on our body until we can sense how the other’s mind works. To become the other person is to feel into her emotional state, see through her eyes, think like she thinks, and see how she views us, our proposition, and the situation at hand. To write it out or read it in serial fashion makes it sound like a lengthy, time-consuming process, but in fact, deep empathy conveys its insights in a flash, and our ability to empathize deepens with practice, as we learn to quiet our own inner state.

Once we become the other, we can sense what’s in her interests, and influence becomes a matter of showing how our idea connects with those interests. That doesn’t mean she will always agree with us or do what we want, but it does mean that our thoughts and actions are now coming from a larger place: one that accords both our interests and hers.

Become the other, and it opens up a world of understanding. Influence has nothing to do with the strength of my argument, my data, eloquence, how loud or long I talk, how right I am, or how many big and powerful people I have behind me. Influence is not about me-in-my-skin at all. It is about the person I want to influence perceiving that my idea is in his or her interests. That’s it. And the surest way to do that is to become the other person and go from there.

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Bill Gaither Homecoming Program

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Alice Herz Somer- Testimony

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