Quakers in Costa Rica

Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly, PBS, June 24, 2016

FRED DE SAM LAZARO, correspondent: For decades Costa Rica has invited tourists to enjoy its natural beauty and used their dollars to conserve it. One of the deepest roots of this ecotourism traces back to a group of American Quakers. They arrived in the 1950s and carved out the community they called Monteverde, or green mountain, a town and cloud forest reserve that form one of the best known tourist spots in this Central American nation. Today, the influence of Quakers can be seen in the produce and food that’s on the grocery store shelves, in the recreation and the Friends school and center, which is a social hub for the larger community of Costa Ricans and settlers. Over time, the number of original Quaker pioneers has dwindled to a relative handful. At Sunday services there is no priest or leader, no sermon, no music, as is typical for many Quaker congregations. It’s called a meeting and mostly conducted in silence.

LUCILLE “LUCKY” GUINDON: The basic tenet, I think, of Quaker faith is the strong belief that there is that of God in every person–that if you sit in silence and listen that you can be led by the spirit…

DE SAM LAZARO: Lucille or “Lucky” Guindon was among the earliest arrivals here, led on an extraordinary journey by another basic tenet of Quaker faith, which goes back to 17th-century England: that’s pacifism.

Back in 1948 the US reinstituted the draft, requiring all young men to sign up. Lucky Guindon’s husband, Wolf, resisted. When we visited, Wolf Guindon was in poor health and unable to speak. He died just four weeks later. Another resister from Alabama, Marvin Rockwell, now 93, said they were willing to face the consequences.

MARVIN ROCKWELL: We were arrested and sentenced to a year and a day in prison. We were actually in prison for a third of the sentence, out on parole the balance.

DE SAM LAZAARO: Far more influential than prison was a piece of advice given to them at sentencing by the judge in that Alabama court:

GUINDON: He said, “If you can’t obey the laws of this country, then you should look for another one.” So that planted a seed.

DE SAM LAZARO: Rockwell, Guindon, and two other resisters joined by other families from Fairhope, Alabama–44 people in all–decided to find a new country, unable to reconcile their beliefs with a system that they believed was preparing the nation for the next war. Costa Rica was a natural fit. It was encouraging immigration and, in 1949, abolished its army.

GUINDON: It was also a country with mostly middle class, not the extreme rich and the extreme poor, and they were also welcoming people to come in and help develop it. So my husband, then not my husband, my husband-to-be, wrote to me because we were not together and how would i like to live in Costa Rica? Of course!

DE SAM LAZARO: You grew up in Iowa?

GUINDON: I grew up in Iowa.

DE SAM LAZARO: The Costa Rica they chose to live in could not be more different than Iowa–or Alabama. With proceeds from the sale of land back home, they purchased some 3400 acres in a lush tropical mountainscape. The road here, treacherous even today. Well, they had to build it.

GUINDON: The roads when we first came here was just an ox cart trail. You had to have four-wheel drive, chains, maybe carry an extra axle with you and have a winch. Because you had many places where you’d get stuck, and even then sometimes people had to get pulled out by oxen.

DE SAM LAZARO: There was no clinic. The community counted on faith and, ironically, the military experience of Marvin Rockwell.

ROCKWELL: In the Second World War, I was drafted and wouldn’t carry a rifle, so they put me in the medical corps, which–the training I got was very valuable here because when we first got here, the closest doctor was in Ipuntarena, six hours away by jeep.

DE SAM LAZARO: In time a school and community center were built. Land was cleared and farms established. The Guindons went on to have nine children. Their dairy farm is now operated by son, Benito Guindon.

Together, international conservation groups and the Quaker community, led by Wolf Guindon, agreed to protect the forest from mining, logging, or even further human encroachment.

GUINDON: Wolf spent the first 20 years of his life cutting down trees and the rest of his life saving trees.

DE SAM LAZARO: The Quakers themselves contributed a third of the 3400 acres of land they’d purchased earlier toward the cloud forest reserve. Today some 250,000 ecotourists visit here each year. A smaller number of North Americans have come and stayed. Hawaii native Nicollette Smith settled here with her husband Randall.

NICOLETTE SMITH: It didn’t take long for us to discover it was the perfect place to have kids. I mean, they’re growing up in a lot of ways like I did in Hilo, a small town where everyone knows who you are.

DE SAM LAZARO: For the Smiths, the Friends school and center quickly became a social hub to meet others–a place for cultural events as well as religious observances. Many of those who attend Sunday services are not Quaker.

GUINDON: We’re not out to convert anybody. There are branches of Quakerism where that’s what they do, but not our branch, and so live peaceably to work with and to live cooperatively.

DE SAM LAZARO: While Quakers draw on biblical scriptures, their belief system is inherently ecumenical. Founded amid religious turmoil in 17th century England, Quakerism’s founders believed in direct communion with God, although some branches do have programmed services with Bible readings. After months of attending for mostly social reasons, the Smiths decided to do so for spiritual ones and become Quakers.

RANDALL SMITH: I was looking for a place where I could practice empathy, I’m looking for a place to practice tolerance. I’m looking for a place to practice compassion, love, truth. What I found in the Friends community is a place to do that that is safe, that is a very large tent. Now, the great part of that is I ended up joining the most unorganized organized religion I could find.

DE SAM LAZARO: One whose adherents–numbering just a few dozen–have left a large civic footprint in Costa Rica, long known as one of the most peaceful nations in this hemisphere.

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In Armenia Visit, Pope Aims For Reconciliation In A Tense Region

Sylvia Poggioli, NPR, June 24, 2016

Pope Francis begins a visit to Armenia on Friday, one of the “peripheries” of the world that are dear to him. He arrived in the capital, Yerevan, on Friday afternoon, and will spend three days in the small country whose geography made it a land of conquest by powerful empires and whose people have greatly suffered for their Christian religion.

The visit will highlight the strong ecumenical ties between the majority Orthodox and smaller Catholic Christian communities, as well as promote reconciliation in a tense region that straddles Europe, the Middle East and Russia.

In his native Argentina, Francis developed close ties with the Armenian community, whose members had fled persecution and massacres.

Last year, Francis marked the centenary of the Ottoman slaughter of Armenians in a solemn ceremony, in which the mournful sounds of the Armenian liturgy echoed through St. Peter’s Basilica. Concealing or denying evil, said the pope, is like allowing a wound to keep bleeding without bandaging it.

“The first genocide of the 20th century,” he said in his homily, “was against you, the Armenian people.”

Those words infuriated Turkey, which accused the pope of spreading hatred, and Ankara recalled its ambassador to the Holy See for a full 10 months.

Historians widely agree that up to 1.5 million Armenians were killed, but Turkey vehemently rejects the accusation of genocide, claiming the number of dead was smaller and that they were victims of civil strife.

The landlocked country in the Caucasus adopted Christianity in the year 301, 12 years before the emperor Constantine legalized it in the Roman Empire.

The Apostolic Armenian Church is part of the oriental Orthodox churches and is seen the custodian of Armenian national identity.

For most of the last century, Armenia was under Soviet rule, suffering religious repression. Today, with the exception of Georgia, Armenia is surrounded by Muslim countries. It shares borders with Turkey, Iran and Azerbaijan, with which it has a long-simmering conflict over the Armenian enclave of Nagorno Karabakh.

Armenia has a population of 3 million, and a diaspora of some 7 million across the world.

During his visit, Francis will also meet Syrian refugees and is expected to speak out again on the modern-day slaughter of Christians and other minorities by Islamist extremists. The pope will also visit a monastery in the foothills of Mount Ararat, which, according to the Bible, is where Noah’s Ark came to rest.

There, near the Turkish border, he will release a flock of doves as a sign of peace and reconciliation in the region.

Massimo Faggioli, a professor of Catholic Church history, says that in visiting Armenia, Pope Francis is also sending a specific message to a geopolitically strategic region–that “religion should not be part of a global, colonial enterprise.”

Faggioli says the pope is very critical of the way both Russia and Turkey mix nationalism with their respective religions, the Orthodox Church and Islam.

“Armenia is in the middle, geographically and historically, between Turkey and Russia,” he says. “So going there, Pope Francis is more or less poking a finger into the eye of the most important nationalist actors in the area.”

The pope is likely to spark further tensions with Turkey when he visits the genocide memorial in Yerevan on Saturday. But in a possible sign of diplomatic compromise in a briefing ahead of the papal trip, the Vatican spokesman declined to use the word “genocide”–preferring the Armenian term Medz Yeghern, which means “the great crime” or “the great evil.”

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God's Word part 2

By Dennis Edwards: Transcription of audio. YouTube Link

Okay. Good morning. We are going to continue the reflection we started yesterday, the Meditation Moment. We were talking about the Word, the importance of the Word in our lives, how Jesus was the Word made flesh and that to know the mind of God, like Paul admonished us to, we need to know God's Word. And I'm going to go over a few more verses here. this next one is from 2 Peter 1:4. It says,

Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature.

So God's Word is not just pretty pictures. It's not just pretty sayings. There are actually promises there that can help us to take on the Divine Nature, to become more than the fleshly human being that we are, and become more like Christ, more like God. And so, there are lots of promises there and we can appropriate those promises. And we can become something that we are not. We can become more like Christ. And He can be manifested in us as we appropriate those promises, and as we accept His Word and live it and let it change us and make our minds and hearts like His.

The next verse is from Joshua 1:8. It's one of my favorites. It says,

This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shall meditate therein day and night, that thou may observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shall make thy way prosperous, and then thou shall have good success.

This is just like in Psalm 1,

His delight is in the law of the Lord and in His law does he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water.

It's the same principle here, that this meditating on God's Word is going to make our lives prosperous, fruitful. (Bom dia) And so, God's Word has a beautiful effect on us, if we'll spend time meditating upon it.

We are told that the first commandment is to love God with all our heart, with all our soul, and with all our mind. So the mind comes into that, into loving God with our mind. Paul also tells us to,

Casting down imaginations, and high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. [1]

How can we bring our thoughts to the obedience of Christ if we don't even know what Christ's mind is like, if we don't even know His words. You see, His words give us discernment and this is what the next verse we're going to go over talks about. It says, Hebrews 4:12,

For the Word of God is quick (alive), and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

God's Word gives us discernment. You see, Jesus said,

If you continue in My Word, then are you My disciples indeed; and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. [2]

You see, God's Word is truth. In John 17:17 Jesus said,

Thy Word is truth.

God's Word is truth. So, He also said,

I am the way, the truth, and the life. [3]

So, we have the truth as Christians. We have the Word of God and the Word of God is the truth. We have an objective truth. We have a way to measure right and wrong, whether it is according to God's Word, and not the letter of the Word, but the Spirit of the Word, line upon line, here a little, and there a little. [4] We need to know, that's why Paul said to,

Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needs not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the Word of truth. [5]

Not wrongly dividing it. Not self-righteously dividing it. But rightly dividing it. And that's what Christ went around and did. He rightly divided the Word of truth. He showed love was more important than the letter. More important than the law was love. So that's how we divide it, God's Word, the truth, is with the Spirit of love. But the truth is there.

Notes:

[1] 2Corinthians 10:5
[2] John 8:31-32
[3] John 14:6
[4] Isaiah 28:10
[5] 2Timothy 2:15

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End of Day 2 Distribution

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Why Constant Learners Embrace the 5-Hour Rule

Michael Simmons, Inc., June 22, 2016

At the age of 10, Benjamin Franklin left formal schooling to become an apprentice to his father. As a teenager, he showed no particular talent or aptitude aside from his love of books.

When he died a little over half a century later, he was America’s most respected statesman, its most famous inventor, a prolific author, and a successful entrepreneur.

What happened between these two points to cause such a meteoric rise?

Underlying the answer to this question is a success strategy for life that we can all use, and increasingly must use.

Throughout Ben Franklin’s adult life, he consistently invested roughly an hour a day in deliberate learning. I call this Franklin’s five-hour rule: one hour a day on every weekday.

Franklin’s learning time consisted of:

Waking up early to read and write

Setting personal-growth goals (i.e., virtues list) and tracking the results

Creating a club for “like-minded aspiring artisans and tradesmen who hoped to improve themselves while they improved their community”

Turning his ideas into experiments

Having morning and evening reflection questions

Every time that Franklin took time out of his busy day to follow his five-hour rule and spend at least an hour learning, he accomplished less on that day. However, in the long run, it was arguably the best investment of his time he could have made.

Franklin’s five-hour rule reflects the very simple idea that, over time, the smartest and most successful people are the ones who are constant and deliberate learners.

Warren Buffett spends five to six hours per day reading five newspapers and 500 pages of corporate reports. Bill Gates reads 50 books per year. Mark Zuckerberg reads at least one book every two weeks. Elon Musk grew up reading two books a day, according to his brother. Oprah Winfrey credits books with much of her success: “Books were my pass to personal freedom.” Arthur Blank, co-founder of Home Depot, reads two hours a day. Dan Gilbert, self-made billionaire and owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers, reads one to two hours a day.

So what would it look like to make the five-hour rule part of our lifestyle?

To find out, we need look no further than chess grandmaster and world-champion martial artist Josh Waitzkin. Instead of squeezing his days for the maximum productivity, he’s actually done the opposite. Waitzkin, who also authored The Art of Learning, purposely creates slack in his day so he has “empty space” for learning, creativity, and doing things at a higher quality. Here’s his explanation of this approach from a recent Tim Ferriss podcast episode:

“I have built a life around having empty space for the development of my ideas for the creative process. And for the cultivation of a physiological state which is receptive enough to tune in very, very deeply to people I work with … In the creative process, it’s so easy to drive for efficiency and take for granted the really subtle internal work that it takes to play on that razor’s edge.”

Adding slack to our day allows us to:

1. Plan out the learning. This allows us to think carefully about what we want to learn. We shouldn’t just have goals for what we want to accomplish. We should also have goals for what we want to learn.

2. Deliberately practice. Rather than doing things automatically and not improving, we can apply the proven principles of deliberate practice so we keep improving. This means doing things like taking time to get honest feedback on our work and practicing specific skills we want to improve.

3. Ruminate. This helps us get more perspective on our lessons learned and assimilate new ideas. It can also help us develop slow hunches in order to have creative breakthroughs. Walking is a great way to process these insights, as shown by many greats who were or are walking fanatics, from Beethoven and Charles Darwin to Steve Jobs and Jack Dorsey. Another powerful way is through conversation partners.

4. Set aside time just for learning. This includes activities like reading, having conversations, participating in a mastermind, taking classes, observing others, etc.

5. Solve problems as they arise. When most people experience problems during the day, they sweep them under the rug so that they can continue their to-do list. Having slack creates the space to address small problems before they turn into big problems.

6. Do small experiments with big potential payoffs. Whether or not an experiment works, it’s an opportunity to learn and test your ideas.

For many people, their professional day is measured by how much they get done. As a result, they speed through the day and slow down their improvement rate.

The five-hour rule flips the equation by focusing on learning first.

By focusing on learning as a lifestyle, we get so much more done over the long term.

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God's Word part 2

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End of Day 1 Distribution

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Bernie Sanders: Here’s what we want

By Bernie Sanders, Washington Post, June 23, 2016:(With comments by Dennis in bold)

As we head toward the Democratic National Convention, I often hear the question, “What does Bernie want?” Wrong question. The right question is what the 12 million Americans who voted for a political revolution want.

And the answer is: They want real change in this country, they want it now and they are prepared to take on the political cowardice and powerful special interests which have prevented that change from happening. (Bernie, the trouble is that Barack Obama told us he would bring us change. We agree with much of what you say, but bigger government with more controls is not going to solve the problems. When the Government gets control of things, they often end up worse.)

They understand that the United States is the richest country in the history of the world, and that new technology and innovation make us wealthier every day. What they don’t understand is why the middle class continues to decline, 47 million of us live in poverty and many Americans are forced to work two or three jobs just to cobble together the income they need to survive. (That's to make sure they don't have time to think and or reproduce. They have their head to the grindstone so they are compelled to follow along instead of rising up and throwing off their corrupt leaders in a peaceful revolution.)

What do we want? We want an economy that is not based on uncontrollable greed, monopolistic practices and illegal behavior. We want an economy that protects the human needs and dignity of all people–children, the elderly, the sick, working people and the poor. We want an economic and political system that works for all of us, not one in which almost all new wealth and power rests with a handful of billionaire families.(But Bernie, we've taken God out of the school system and have taught our children that evolution is true, and we are just evolved monkeys. Then we wonder why people behave so corruptly. The unethical political and economic practices are just an extension of what we believe, that's it's just the survival of the fittest, so anything goes if it makes you richer, or more powerful. We need a back to God education system, based of the truth of Christ's law of love.) 

The current campaign finance system is corrupt. Billionaires and powerful corporations are now, through super PACs, able to spend as much money as they want to buy elections and elect candidates who represent their interests, not the American people. Meanwhile, we have one of the lowest voter turnout rates of any major country on earth, and Republican governors are working overtime to suppress the vote and make it harder for poor people, people of color, seniors and young people to vote.(Bernie, who would want to vote when we always get the same old crap. Like they say in Spain, the flies change, the ruling party changes, but it's still the same old sh_t! The system has failed us, Bernie. We don't trust it anymore. Even if voting was universal like it is in many European countries, the turnout is still low, because history and experience has shown us that it doesn't make a difference. The money makers hold too much power in their hands and have control over every institution in our lives. We protested in Europe with millions of people on the streets against the Wars in Iraq and it made no difference. The revolution we need, Bernie is a complete one. It's a wiping away of the old decadent system and the establishment of the Kingdom of God on earth based on true love and brotherhood that comes from us being God's children. But we've killed God as Nietzsche said and are reaping the result of our stupidity.)

What do we want? We want to overturn the disastrous Citizens United Supreme Court decision and move toward public funding of elections. We want universal voter registration, so that anyone 18 years of age or older who is eligible to vote is automatically registered. We want a vibrant democracy and a well-informed electorate that knows that its views can shape the future of the country. (Yes, Bernie, we want to throw our Rode vs Wade, the pro-choice law, and establish orphanages and homes for single moms to have their children. We want to let State schools teach the truth about molecule to man evolution, that it's a religious world-view and not supported by experimental science. We want decentralization and giving more power to the State governments to run their States. we want to re-establish that marriage is a male and female institution and all the ramifications of our traditional Judaeo-Christian heritage.) 

Our criminal justice system is broken. We have 2.2 million people rotting behind bars at an annual expense of $80 billion. Youth unemployment in a number of inner-cities and rural communities is 30 to 50 percent, and millions of young people have limited opportunities to participate in the productive economy. Failing schools all around the country produce more people who end up in jail than graduate college. Millions of Americans have police records as a result of marijuana possession, which should be decriminalized. And too many people are serving unnecessarily long mandatory minimum sentences. (Bernie, we've got to get back to the basics. We've got to put Christ back into our schools and education system. We've got to get back to our belief in the Bible as the Word of God and our importance of obeying it. We need to teach our children to love God above all else, and to love their neighbor as themselves, and their neighbor is anyone who needs their help, whether near or far. We need to raise up loving Missionaries to go out into all the world with the message of the love of God as the only real solution to the world's problems that we face today.)

What do we want? We want a criminal justice system that addresses the causes of incarceration, not one that simply imprisons more people. We want to demilitarize local police departments, see local police departments reflect the diversity of the communities they serve and end private ownership of prisons and detention centers. We want to create the conditions that allow people who are released from prison to stay out. We want the best educated population on earth, not the most incarcerated population.

The debate is over. Climate change is real. It is caused by human activity, and it already is causing devastating damage in our country and to the entire planet. If present trends continue, scientists tell us the planet will be 5 to 10 degrees Fahrenheit warmer by the end of the century–which means more droughts, floods, extreme weather disturbances, rising sea levels and acidification of the oceans. This is a planetary crisis of extraordinary magnitude.(Sorry, Bernie, the debate is not over. Who is pushing this climate change agenda anyway? It's big government again Bernie. More controls from Big Brother. Some scientist challenge the politically correct global warming stance. Sunspot explosions may have a greater influence on our climatic cycles than any made man carbon pollution. That's not to say we shouldn't take care of our environment. We should, but let's not use scare tactics to push more international government on our backs. If we'd follow Christ's command to love one another, we could find solutions to all these problems. But you see, Bernie, their are evil men out there who won't give up their power very easily. John and Robert  Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr. and many others have found out the hard way. Those people are still in control of the world, Bernie. How much do they control you. What part of their agenda are you willing to help fulfill?)

What do we want? We want the United States to lead the world in pushing our energy system away from fossil fuel and toward energy efficiency and sustainable energy. We want a tax on carbon, the end of fracking and massive investment in wind, solar, geothermal and other sustainable technologies. We want to leave this planet in a way that is healthy and habitable for future generations.(That's right, Bernie, we want to give free solar or wind-powered energy to the whole world. To set the captives free from government oppression, so that mankind can serve God and love one another. Government should be their to help the people, not just take from one set of crooks that are in power, to put another set of crooks in their place. Like I said before, some wipe with the left hand, and some with the right hand, but it's still the same crap, Bernie. We are tired of it. We need the help of God, because man has proven he is incapable of governing himself and others without the miraculous help of God. The Bible tells us mankind is so desperate that they will soon accept the Devil-man, or Antichrist in their frustration with today's political and financial system. This will result in the worst period of mankind's short history which Jesus named the Great Tribulation. A grave period of persecution of those who refuse to come under the New World Order, wars and eventually the final big one in the Middle East, Armageddon. Will the government you head lead into the New World Order under Satan and his Antichrist? We know Hillary will for sure, but what about you?)

What do we want? We want to end the rapid movement that we are currently experiencing toward oligarchic control of our economic and political life. As Lincoln put it at Gettysburg, we want a government of the people, by the people and for the people. That is what we want, and that is what we will continue fighting for. (But a government that excludes Christ and His commandments is headed for destruction. Will you bring us back to God, Bernie? Will you bring back Christ into Christmas, education, politics and economics. if not we're leaning on a broken stick and you'll fail us, just as all the others have. Will you stand-up for Jesus, Bernie? He needs you to make a stand for truth, for love and for Godly justice. Will you take that stand, Bernie? The time is short, Bernie. Stand-up for Jesus today!)

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Six Habits Of People Who Make Friends Easily

Stephanie Vozza, Fast Company, June 22, 2016:

Friendships are more beneficial than just sharing laughs over a cup of coffee. A lack of strong relationships increases your risk of premature death from all causes by 50%, according to research from Harvard University. That’s the same mortality risk as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. If your social life is looking light, it might be time to make some new friends, but it doesn’t have to be an intimidating and awkward process.

“Get it out of your head that it’s harder to make friends when you’re older,” says sociologist Jan Yager, author of Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives. “It can actually be easier because you know who you are, and what kind of friend you would like.”

The secret to making new friends is as simple as being open to it. Here are six things you can do to fill your calendar and forge new friendships:

Be approachable. The first impression sets the stage on whether a person will be communicating with you or not, says psychotherapist Richard E. Toney. “The key is your facial expression,” he says. “Think about people who you’ve seen in grocery stores, airports, and even in long lines that are near you. If you see them grimacing and frowning, you more than likely will not communicate with that person because they do not appear approachable or even nice.”

An inviting smile or a courteous head nod could go a long way in allowing people to know that you are available and open to communicating, he says. And being a good listener is a big part of being approachable, adds Yager. “Too many focus on sharing with others, forgetting that they need to be there for their new relationships that might become friends,” she says.

Get involved in activities you enjoy. One of the best ways to make new friends is to meet people with whom you share a common interest, says John Boese, founder of GoFindFriends.com, a website that helps New Yorkers find new friends. Turn your hobby into a social activity by joining a meetup.com group or social sport league, he suggests.

Going to places that you enjoy allows you to be around like-minded individuals, adds Toney. “It is easy to start up a conversation about things that you like,” he says. “Once you find someone who has similar interests to yours, you can exchange phone numbers or email addresses and keep in touch.”

Have a positive attitude. “Feeling positive is one of the absolute requirements of friendship, and how we choose who we want to spend time with,” says Shasta Nelson, CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com, an online community that helps connect women, and author of Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness.

Figure out ways to help other people feel better for having spent time with you. Saying “thank you,” being encouraging, asking questions, validating feelings, and smiling are all ways of affirming new friends, she says.

“Researchers have found that if you say good things about other people, people tend to remember you as having those positive qualities.”

People don’t like to be around others who are negative all the time, adds Keith Rollag, author of What to Do When You’re New. “Researchers have found that if you say good things about other people, people tend to remember you as having those positive qualities,” he says. “For example, if you tell a new coworker that your previous boss is a friendly, helpful person, they will likely walk away remembering you as somewhat friendly and helpful, too. But if you complain that your previous boss was an egotistical jerk, they may see a few of those qualities in you, too.”

Don’t wait for others to make the first move. While you can feel vulnerable approaching someone for the first time, the other person may have even more reluctance, says Rollag. “Just go for it,” he says. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

Relationships are built on give and take, and Rollag suggests starting by helping other people meet their needs. “Many of the things we want in friendships–trust, reliability, integrity–have their basis in reciprocity,” he says. “Figure out what other people want and help them get it, and you’ve predisposed them to see you as a potential friend.”

Be proactive and ask people to get together, or let people know that you’re looking for activities to join, adds Boese. “You’ll be surprised how many people are open to having you join one of their weekend activities,” he says.

Follow up. Relationships are built largely on logging time together, so be thoughtful about how to stay in touch, says Nelson. “Before leaving one get-together, say, ‘This was such fun and I’d like to get to know you better, could we schedule it now and avoid the email back-and-forth?’” she suggests. You can also send an email the next day, thanking them for their time, or set a reminder in your calendar for a date they mentioned of something coming up, such as a surgery or birthday, and email them to let them know you’re thinking of them.

One of the keys to turning an acquaintance into a friend is consistency, adds Boese. “Don’t let more than two weeks go by without seeing them,” he says. “If you spend time with someone and then don’t talk to them for a month, it’s going to be tough to keep them in the friend zone.”

Say “yes” to invitations (even when you want to say “no”). People who make friends easily view events as opportunities to meet people, says Nelson.

“Remind yourself to choose based on what you value or hope for, not based on how you feel in the moment,” she says. “Like exercise, if left to only when we felt like it, we’d often opt for a quiet night in instead of the chance to connect.”

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Importance of God's Word

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