Hidden motives behind Ukraine - Russian conflict!
Sunday, July 13, 2014
How to Be a Good Role Model for Your Kids: The Pygmalion Effect
By Dr. Joanne Stern, ETR, July 11, 2014
I want to share with you a powerful secret that will help your kids reach their full potential. The secret I want to share with you doesn’t take any extra time out of your life. Nor does it require any extra commitment—financial or otherwise—from you or them. If you put this secret to use, you’ll go a long way toward creating happy, confident, self-motivated kids.
But before I tell you what the secret is… let me tell you a story about the first time I personally experienced this secret’s power.
In my first career after college, I taught German at a school in the northern suburbs of Chicago. I met Danny when he walked into my second-year class at the start of his sophomore year. The school had placed Danny into level two—the second level from the bottom. This had a big impact on him. He believed the school’s view of him and was resigned to being in what the other kids called “the dumb level.”
But that year Danny got solid “B” grades. Because he was a serious student, I asked him if I could recommend that he be moved up a level for the following year. I told him he would have to work a little harder, but that I was sure he could do it. He looked pleased that I believed in him and agreed.
Danny studied diligently. At the end of the school term he again scored solid “B” grades. Once more I talked with Danny and asked him if he would like me to recommend him for level four—“the smart level”—for the following year. This time, he grinned broadly and told me he was ready to go for it.
You can probably guess the outcome of Danny’s senior year. He received solid “B” grades. When Danny graduated, he thanked me for believing in him and for giving him the opportunity to accomplish what no one else thought he could.
I was only 25 at the time. I knew nothing about the power of expectations or the principles of self-fulfilling prophecies. I didn’t know there were already well-respected studies showing that if a teacher genuinely believes in the high achievement of a student, he or she will rise to meet that expectation. Or that, conversely, those same studies show that if a teacher believes the student is not capable, the child will come to believe it, too. He will learn slowly, as is expected of him.
In fact, research clearly shows that what another person believes about you will likely become a self-fulfilling prophecy—for better or for worse. You will outperform if someone influential in your life believes you can do it. You will underperform if that person thinks you will underperform.
In George Bernard Shaw’s play Pygmalion, professor Henry Higgins transformed Eliza Doolittle from a Cockney girl into a well-born lady. At least in speech and manners. But Higgins hardly noticed her except as an object of his experiment. He treated her rudely and never transformed his attitude about her.
Because Higgins continued to see her as a poor girl, Eliza never felt confident. But Freddy Eynsford-Hill saw her as the fair lady she had become. She explained to him, “I know I can be a lady to you because you always treat me as a lady and always will.”
People become what others believe them to be. They achieve what significant people in their lives believe they can achieve.
The phenomenon of the Pygmalion Effect is also true in organizations. The way managers treat subordinates, and what they expect of them, largely determines their performance. It’s also true of families.
What you say to your kids will either help them reach success or knock them down, deflate their self-esteem and foster a lack of confidence. Your attitude toward them will spill into their psyche and influence how they feel about themselves.
Let me give you an example from my own parenting. When my older daughter, Carol, was a child she had a frustratingly slow morning routine. Although her younger sister and I hit the floor running, Carol rolled out of bed and spent her first 10 minutes cuddling with our dog. That put her 10 minutes behind schedule. I could have simply awakened her 10 minutes earlier to give her time to wake up. Instead, I nagged her to hurry, hurry, hurry.
I didn’t realize it then, but Carol’s behavior created an attitude within me that carried over as she grew older. When she was in high school I was constantly on her case about her studies and her school projects. One day, she confronted me. “Mom, why do you always interrogate me about my homework? You know I always do my homework.”
I began to realize that I had subconsciously developed a belief about Carol that she was not productive or conscientious. Neither was true. I am grateful that Carol had the courage to call me on my negative message before too much damage had been done to her self-belief.
It is easy to give our kids the wrong message. We are often frazzled, too busy and not paying attention. When we get stressed, we take it out on those closest to us without realizing the harmful effect it has on them.
When your child spills her milk you might say, “Good grief! You’re such a klutz. You spill your milk at least three times a week.” Hearing the word “klutz,” your child will believe, as you do, that she is one. She is likely to fulfill your expectation by continuing to spill her milk. Better to say, “I know how careful you can be. I know you’ll do better next time.”
When you overhear your teenager gossiping maliciously about another girl in school, you can reprimand her for being mean. She is likely to continue being mean. Or you can say to her, “Honey, it’s not like you to talk about other kids so hurtfully. I know what a kind person you are. That’s not really you.” When she hears what you believe about her, she is more likely to become that person.
It may sound counterintuitive. But there’s a powerful secret to parenting that will help your kids unlock their full potential. And it will greatly strengthen your family as a result: Your kids will succeed not at the level of their capacity, but at the level they believe their capacity to be. And you play a big role in what their belief is.
Even when your kids are grown and have children of their own, you need to encourage and support them. They face challenges every day. And sometimes they fail—just like you and I did at their age. They may be starting their own business… or moving into the family business. They may be going through a rough patch in their marriage. Their kids may be having a difficult time at school. It’s tough out there. Your kids—and your grandkids, if you have them—need to know that someone who cares about them still believes in them.
Creating a positive Pygmalion Effect for your kids will flow over onto future generations as well. When your kids have self-confidence, they choose healthy relationships. They apply for better jobs. They socialize with people who are more self-motivated. Most important, they treat their kids—your grandchildren—with the same respect they have gotten from you. Overall, they are more successful in life. And your family becomes more successful as a result.
Don’t give your kids false hope. Don’t push them into something for which they do not have the talent or skills to succeed.
But do help them see their full potential. Do support a “can do” mentality by letting them know they can face what is coming and achieve what they reach for. Do tell them you believe they will accomplish whatever they set out to do.
I want to share with you a powerful secret that will help your kids reach their full potential. The secret I want to share with you doesn’t take any extra time out of your life. Nor does it require any extra commitment—financial or otherwise—from you or them. If you put this secret to use, you’ll go a long way toward creating happy, confident, self-motivated kids.
But before I tell you what the secret is… let me tell you a story about the first time I personally experienced this secret’s power.
In my first career after college, I taught German at a school in the northern suburbs of Chicago. I met Danny when he walked into my second-year class at the start of his sophomore year. The school had placed Danny into level two—the second level from the bottom. This had a big impact on him. He believed the school’s view of him and was resigned to being in what the other kids called “the dumb level.”
But that year Danny got solid “B” grades. Because he was a serious student, I asked him if I could recommend that he be moved up a level for the following year. I told him he would have to work a little harder, but that I was sure he could do it. He looked pleased that I believed in him and agreed.
Danny studied diligently. At the end of the school term he again scored solid “B” grades. Once more I talked with Danny and asked him if he would like me to recommend him for level four—“the smart level”—for the following year. This time, he grinned broadly and told me he was ready to go for it.
You can probably guess the outcome of Danny’s senior year. He received solid “B” grades. When Danny graduated, he thanked me for believing in him and for giving him the opportunity to accomplish what no one else thought he could.
I was only 25 at the time. I knew nothing about the power of expectations or the principles of self-fulfilling prophecies. I didn’t know there were already well-respected studies showing that if a teacher genuinely believes in the high achievement of a student, he or she will rise to meet that expectation. Or that, conversely, those same studies show that if a teacher believes the student is not capable, the child will come to believe it, too. He will learn slowly, as is expected of him.
In fact, research clearly shows that what another person believes about you will likely become a self-fulfilling prophecy—for better or for worse. You will outperform if someone influential in your life believes you can do it. You will underperform if that person thinks you will underperform.
In George Bernard Shaw’s play Pygmalion, professor Henry Higgins transformed Eliza Doolittle from a Cockney girl into a well-born lady. At least in speech and manners. But Higgins hardly noticed her except as an object of his experiment. He treated her rudely and never transformed his attitude about her.
Because Higgins continued to see her as a poor girl, Eliza never felt confident. But Freddy Eynsford-Hill saw her as the fair lady she had become. She explained to him, “I know I can be a lady to you because you always treat me as a lady and always will.”
People become what others believe them to be. They achieve what significant people in their lives believe they can achieve.
The phenomenon of the Pygmalion Effect is also true in organizations. The way managers treat subordinates, and what they expect of them, largely determines their performance. It’s also true of families.
What you say to your kids will either help them reach success or knock them down, deflate their self-esteem and foster a lack of confidence. Your attitude toward them will spill into their psyche and influence how they feel about themselves.
Let me give you an example from my own parenting. When my older daughter, Carol, was a child she had a frustratingly slow morning routine. Although her younger sister and I hit the floor running, Carol rolled out of bed and spent her first 10 minutes cuddling with our dog. That put her 10 minutes behind schedule. I could have simply awakened her 10 minutes earlier to give her time to wake up. Instead, I nagged her to hurry, hurry, hurry.
I didn’t realize it then, but Carol’s behavior created an attitude within me that carried over as she grew older. When she was in high school I was constantly on her case about her studies and her school projects. One day, she confronted me. “Mom, why do you always interrogate me about my homework? You know I always do my homework.”
I began to realize that I had subconsciously developed a belief about Carol that she was not productive or conscientious. Neither was true. I am grateful that Carol had the courage to call me on my negative message before too much damage had been done to her self-belief.
It is easy to give our kids the wrong message. We are often frazzled, too busy and not paying attention. When we get stressed, we take it out on those closest to us without realizing the harmful effect it has on them.
When your child spills her milk you might say, “Good grief! You’re such a klutz. You spill your milk at least three times a week.” Hearing the word “klutz,” your child will believe, as you do, that she is one. She is likely to fulfill your expectation by continuing to spill her milk. Better to say, “I know how careful you can be. I know you’ll do better next time.”
When you overhear your teenager gossiping maliciously about another girl in school, you can reprimand her for being mean. She is likely to continue being mean. Or you can say to her, “Honey, it’s not like you to talk about other kids so hurtfully. I know what a kind person you are. That’s not really you.” When she hears what you believe about her, she is more likely to become that person.
It may sound counterintuitive. But there’s a powerful secret to parenting that will help your kids unlock their full potential. And it will greatly strengthen your family as a result: Your kids will succeed not at the level of their capacity, but at the level they believe their capacity to be. And you play a big role in what their belief is.
Even when your kids are grown and have children of their own, you need to encourage and support them. They face challenges every day. And sometimes they fail—just like you and I did at their age. They may be starting their own business… or moving into the family business. They may be going through a rough patch in their marriage. Their kids may be having a difficult time at school. It’s tough out there. Your kids—and your grandkids, if you have them—need to know that someone who cares about them still believes in them.
Creating a positive Pygmalion Effect for your kids will flow over onto future generations as well. When your kids have self-confidence, they choose healthy relationships. They apply for better jobs. They socialize with people who are more self-motivated. Most important, they treat their kids—your grandchildren—with the same respect they have gotten from you. Overall, they are more successful in life. And your family becomes more successful as a result.
Don’t give your kids false hope. Don’t push them into something for which they do not have the talent or skills to succeed.
But do help them see their full potential. Do support a “can do” mentality by letting them know they can face what is coming and achieve what they reach for. Do tell them you believe they will accomplish whatever they set out to do.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Ame o Próximo como a si Mesmo
Leitch“‘Amarás, pois, ao Senhor teu Deus de todo o teu coração, e de toda a tua alma, e de todo o teu entendimento, e de todas as tuas forças; este é o primeiro mandamento. E o segundo, semelhante a este, é: Amarás o teu próximo como a ti mesmo. Não há outro mandamento maior do que estes.”—Marcos 12:30–31[1]
Nos ensinamentos de Jesus, a nossa relação com as pessoas, quer adultos quer crianças, está totalmente interligada à nossa relação com Deus. O amor por Deus e pelo próximo são dois aspectos da mesma vocação:
“Um novo mandamento vos dou: Que vos ameis uns aos outros; como eu vos amei a vós, que também vós uns aos outros vos ameis. Nisto todos conhecerão que sois meus discÃpulos, se vos amardes uns aos outros.”—João 13:34–35[2]
Geralmente pensamos no próximo com as pessoas que moram perto de nós, mas a mensagem de Jesus se refere à humanidade no geral, até mesmo nossos inimigos! Jesus contou a famosa parábola do Bom Samaritano para deixar claro que, “amar ao próximo”, significa amar a todos em todo lugar, não apenas amigos, aliados, compatriotas, etc. (vejaLucas 10:25–37).
Há centenas de anos os judeus e samaritanos eram inimigos. Os judeus na sociedade da época de Jesus consideravam os samaritanos imundos, hereges, no entanto, foi o samaritano que teve compaixão daquele pobre que tinha sido roubado e espancado. Ele deu liberalmente tanto o seu tempo quanto o seu dinheiro para ajudar um judeu que não só era um estranho, mas também um inimigo, habitante de outro paÃs. Na parábola do Bom Samaritano Jesus nos desafia a ir e “fazer o mesmo”.
Para reiterar que “amar ao próximo” se aplica a todos, Jesus estendeu a regra do amor a amarmos até nossos inimigos!
“Ouvistes que foi dito: Amarás o teu próximo, e odiarás o teu inimigo. Eu, porém, vos digo: Amai a vossos inimigos, bendizei os que vos maldizem, fazei bem aos que vos odeiam, e orai pelos que vos maltratam e vos perseguem; para que sejais filhos do vosso Pai que está nos céus; Porque faz que o seu sol se levante sobre maus e bons, e a chuva desça sobre justos e injustos.”—Mateus 5:43-45[3]
Nós, assim como o samaritano altruÃsta na parábola de Jesus, devemos estender nosso amor e interesse sincero a todas as pessoas em todos os lugares, considerando-as o nosso “próximo”. Não devemos excluir ninguém, nenhum grupo, por causa de condição social, personalidade, diferença religiosa, racial, étnica ou de nacionalidade, etc.
Jesus deixou bem claro na parábola das ovelhas e das cabras (veja Mateus 25:31–46). Não devemos viver com o coração endurecido ou focados apenas em nós mesmos. Ele espera que coloquemos a nossa fé em ação e amemos ao próximo, principalmente os carentes que não tiveram as mesmas chances que nós.
Deus dotou cada um de nós de talentos e dons singulares que devemos usar para servir a Ele. O trabalho que realizarmos para Ele aqui na terra deve envolver a utilização de nossos dons e talentos em prol dos outros! Cada um de nós tem algo a oferecer a alguém necessitado. Podemos dar nosso dinheiro e tempo para caridade, sermos amigos de alguém doente ou solitário, ou sermos voluntários ou pacificadores. Podemos ser altruÃstas e dedicar nosso tempo a nossos cônjuges, filhos ou pais. Podemos optar por uma ocupação dedicada ao servir, ou simplesmente executar nosso trabalho do dia a dia com integridade e respeito pelos outros.
Pode parecer que, quanto mais damos a outros, mais pobres ficamos, mas ocorre o contrário! Servir aos outros traz sentido e realização à s nossas vidas de uma maneira imbatÃvel em relação a dinheiro, poder, posses e buscas pessoais. Jesus disse:
“Dai, e ser-vos-á dado; boa medida, recalcada, sacudida e transbordando, vos deitarão no vosso regaço; porque com a mesma medida com que medirdes também vos medirão de novo.”—Lucas 6:38[4]
Será que isso significa que não é possÃvel cumprir o que Jesus disse a menos que tenhamos riquezas para doar, ou talentos extraordinários para servirmos a outros? Não!Não é uma questão de quanto damos, mas do espÃrito em que agimos. Cada um de nós deve dar generosamente da riqueza e dos talentos que recebemos de Deus, independentemente da dimensão. Jesus fez a comparação entre uma pobre viúva, que deu só um pouquinho, e alguns ricaços que deram uma grande quantia. Os que tinham posses deram apenas um valor simbólico em comparação com o total da sua riqueza. Para Deus, a viúva deu muito mais, porque deu do coração:
“E, estando Jesus assentado defronte da arca do tesouro, observava a maneira como a multidão lançava o dinheiro na arca do tesouro; e muitos ricos deitavam muito. Vindo, porém, uma pobre viúva, deitou duas pequenas moedas, que valiam meio centavo. E, chamando os seus discÃpulos, disse-lhes: Em verdade vos digo que esta pobre viúva deitou mais do que todos os que deitaram na arca do tesouro; porque todos ali deitaram do que lhes sobejava, mas esta, da sua pobreza, deitou tudo o que tinha, todo o seu sustento.”—Marcos 12:41–44[5]
Cada um de nós tem algo para dar. Alguns possuem riquezas, outros talentos, e outros dispõem de tempo. Não importam os dons que recebemos, podemos contribuir para um mundo melhor para alguém mais e encontrar satisfação genuÃna.
Em Seus sermões e parábolas, Jesus procura nos impactar para abandonarmos nosso egoÃsmo e mundanismo e termos verdadeira paixão pelo bem-estar do ser humano, dos homens, mulheres e crianças ao redor do mundo. O amor universal é a essência dos ensinamentos de Jesus. Esse é o trabalho que Deus tem reservado para nós no mundo.
Para Deus o mais importante é o nosso amor por Ele e uns pelos outros. Riquezas, poder e status nada valem no reino de Deus. Quando verdadeiramente amamos o nosso próximo, fazemos o possÃvel para transformar o mundo em um lugar melhor, e então encontramos satisfação na vida.
Trechos de http://www.christianbiblereference.org/jneighbr.htm. Copyright © Cliff Leitch, The Christian Bible Reference Site, www.ChristianBibleReference.org.
Usado com permissão tradução de Hebe Rondon Flandoli.
[1] NVI.
[2] NVI.
[3] NVI.
[4] NVI.
[5] NVI.
