Greg Bahnsen's Final Sermon - For To Me, To Live is Christ, and To Die is Gain
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
Monday, January 8, 2018
Friday, January 5, 2018
Trump threatens stop to Palestinian aid over Jerusalem row
The US may stop aid payments to Palestinians who are “no longer willing to talk peace”, President Trump said.
On Twitter, Mr Trump said the United States received “no appreciation or respect” in return for its aid.
He also said his controversial recognition of the contested city of Jerusalem as Israel’s capital took the hugely divisive issue “off the table” for new peace talks.
Palestinians had said the move showed the US could not be a neutral broker.
Soon after Washington’s decision was announced in December, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas said he would not accept any US peace plan for the Middle East.
The decision on Jerusalem was also overwhelmingly condemned at the United Nations, where 128 countries voted against Mr Trump’s fulfilment of a campaign promise.
The US president was following up earlier comments about aid payments to Pakistan, in which he said the US had received only “lies and deceit” in exchange for billions of dollars in aid.
@realDonaldTrump: It’s not only Pakistan that we pay billions of dollars to for nothing, but also many other countries, and others. As an example, we pay the Palestinians HUNDRED OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS a year and get no appreciation or respect. They don’t even want to negotiate a long overdue…
@realDonaldTrump: …peace treaty with Israel. We have taken Jerusalem, the toughest part of the negotiation, off the table, but Israel, for that, would have had to pay more. But with the Palestinians no longer willing to talk peace, why should we make any of these massive future payments to them?
Jerusalem is one of the world’s most contested sites.
Israel claims the whole of the city as its capital. The Palestinians want East Jerusalem, occupied by Israel in the 1967 Middle East war, to be the capital of a future Palestinian state.
Mr Trump, however, decided to formally recognise Jerusalem as Israel’s capital, despite being warned it could cause unrest in the region.
He also said he would move the US embassy there from Tel Aviv, where all other nations have their consulates.
For the Palestinians, Mr Abbas said: “The United States has proven to be a dishonest mediator in the peace process.”
He also called Jerusalem the “eternal capital of the state of Palestine”.
How did the Palestinians respond to Mr Trump’s threat to cut aid?
Angrily. A Twitter feed of the governing Palestine Liberation Organisation accused Mr Trump of sabotaging their “search for peace”.
@nadplo: Palestinian rights are not for sale. By recognizing Occupied Jerusalem as Israel’s capital Donald Trump has not only violated of international law, but he has also singlehandedly destroyed the very foundations of peace and condoned Israel’s illegal annexation of the city.
@nadplo: We will not be blackmailed. President Trump has sabotaged our search for peace, freedom and justice. Now he dares to blame the Palestinians for the consequences of his own irresponsible actions!
Mr Trump’s tweets followed remarks from Nikki Haley, the US envoy to the United Nations, in which she said the US would stop contributing to the UN’s relief agency for Palestinian refugees.
The agency runs education, health, and social programmes. The United States is its largest governmental donor, handing over almost $370m (£270m) in 2016.
Speaking at a news conference, Ms Haley said: “The president has basically said that he doesn’t want to give any additional funding, or stop funding, until the Palestinians are agreeing to come back to the negotiation table.”
She said the UN’s vote to condemn Mr Trump’s Jerusalem decision was “not helpful to the situation”.
“The Palestinians now have to show their will that they want to come to the table. As of now, they’re not coming to the table but they asked for aid.
“We’re not giving the aid, we’re going to make sure that they come to the table,” she said.
The withdrawal of aid is likely to have a significant impact on the UN agency’s work, as the US contributes almost 30% of its overall funding.
In 2016, the second-largest donor, the European Union, donated less than half as much as the US.
Dennis Edwards: Again we see America and Israel becoming more and more isolated from world opinion. If we are understanding Bible prophecy correctly, this isolation of these two nations will lead us to that terrible day of Armageddon. The Book of Revelation chapters 16,17,18 and 19 in the New Testament, and Ezekiel 38 and 39, plus Daniel 11:30-45 in the Old Testament seem to be referring to the same apocalyptic events. These events culminate with the invasion of Israel during the end times. The present positions of both Israel and America are in line with what the prophets predicted. If we are understanding correctly, Israel will be invaded and at the same time or near to the same time, the Babylonian city system will be destroyed.
So keep your eyes and ears open. We may have some sort of "Holy Covenant" regarding Jerusalem, which could be a compromised agreement on the Palestinian issue and the state of Jerusalem. Whatever the Holy Covenant is however, it is the breaking of the covenant and the placing of the "abomination that makes desolate" in the temple that Jesus gave as a sign point to the beginning of the Great Tribulation or Jacob's Trouble. It is at the end of the Great Tribulation period and the Wrath of God that follows that the destruction of Babylonian city system takes place and the invasion of Israel. Christ's predicted return will take place during the Armageddon period to prevent mankind form destroying all of civilisation.
In Ezekiel 38 and 39 we see Russia with its allies Turkey and Iran cooperating in Israel's invasion. These nations are presently strengthening their accords and military cooperation. We see Russia making a permanent base in Syria, not far from Israel itself. All these events are confirmations that we are moving down the road to destruction just as we sang many years ago, and just as the Bible predicts. Our turning our backs on God has brought bad results and will continue to do so. One thing is turning our backs on the religious system, the other is turning our backs on God. Most people don't seem to be able to distinguish the two and God is completely left out of their knowledge. But He doesn't have to be. He says, "Draw nigh to Me, and I will draw nigh to you." Make your resolution to draw nigh to God this year. It may be your last!
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Putin is outplaying Trump in the Middle East
Russian President Vladimir Putin made a surprise visit to Syria on Monday as part of a whirlwind Middle Eastern tour. Putin, who also stopped in Egypt and Turkey, met leaders, posed for photo-ops, inked a huge energy deal and, all in all, played the part of an influential international statesman. While President Trump has sparked outrage across the region, Putin played the role of sober and dependable partner.
In Cairo, Putin announced the resumption of direct Russian commercial flights to the country for the first time since a plane bombing there in 2015. Discussions with President Abdel Fattah el-Sissi also circled around the signing of a Russian contract for a $30 billion nuclear energy plant as well as a possible agreement for the Russian air force to use Egyptian bases.
In Ankara, Putin met Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan for the eighth time in 2017, further proof of how dramatically relations between the two countries have improved in the year since the assassination of the Russian ambassador in Turkey and the two years since Turkish forces shot down a Russian fighter jet. Erdogan and his allies have slowly come around to accepting that Russia simply outflanked them in Syria and, in any case, are more animated by their current grievances with Washington.
There’s a healthy amount of skepticism about what that “significant part” may add up to, but the moment still presents Russia a chance to gloat over the efficacy of its engagement in Syria. Critics at the time of the intervention, including yours truly, suggested that Moscow was walking into a quagmire. Two years later, however, Putin has demonstrated both that Russia stands by its friends and that it can project power well beyond Eastern Europe.
“As America shrank from its traditional role in the Middle East, Russia expanded its own, making an ostentatious show of fighting Islamist terrorists on behalf of a reluctant Western Christendom,” wrote the Atlantic’s Julia Ioffe in a recent cover story on Putin’s strategy.
By comparison, two successive U.S. administrations have struggled to come up with a coherent Middle East policy. Commentators of various stripes lambaste the Obama administration for turning on the Arab strongmen who were traditional U.S. allies before the pro-democracy uprisings of 2011 and then for not doing enough to unseat Assad as the rebellion in Syria picked up steam.
Paradoxically, Trump–who decries a legacy of U.S. wars in the region–made a big show of launching missiles at a Syrian government airfield after the Assad regime carried out a chemical weapons attack on civilians earlier this year. Since then, however, he has shown little interest in Syria beyond executing the final stages of the Obama-era campaign against the Islamic State, which included the recent recapture of the city of Raqqa. Trump also ended U.S. covert support for Syria’s beleaguered “moderate” rebels.
Trump’s latest fracas isn’t likely to help, either. In Ankara, alongside Erdogan, Putin capitalized on disquiet over Trump’s move to recognize Jerusalem as Israel’s capital. He emphasized that Trump’s order “doesn’t help the Mideast settlement and, just the other way round, destabilizes the already difficult situation in the region.”
A Pew survey conducted this year among people in a number of countries in the region found that 64 percent see Russia as more influential in Middle Eastern affairs than compared to a decade ago. That perception may grow in the months to come, with Russia well-poised to benefit. “For many local actors, Russia’s increasing presence seems to be more appealing as a source of some balance,” wrote Turkish academic Talha Kose in the Daily Sabah, a pro-Erdogan newspaper. “The Trump administration’s erratic moves like the recent declaration of Jerusalem as the capital of Israel will only accelerate the decline of U.S. influence and pave the way for Moscow.”
According to Salem, the Russians are “not interested in a new Cold War, but they will take their opportunities” to expand their influence in the Middle East and play the part of an international power. Their efforts to do so will include exporting arms and civilian nuclear energy–as seen in the mooted deal with Egypt–and cultivating access to potentially huge natural gas deposits in the eastern Mediterranean.
Politically, as Trump enters heavy-handedly on one side of the Saudi-Iranian rivalry, Salem says the Russians will “nibble wherever they can, happy to be an effective number two player” in the Middle East in contrast to the chaotic role played by the United States.
“Moscow has a strategy, is executing it through timely and well-considered policies that have successfully strengthened its position not only with Iran but also with our allies and across the entire Middle East,” wrote Stephen Blank of the conservative American Foreign Policy Council. But, he added, that’s not the case for Washington: “U.S. involvement has degenerated into a series of spasmodic and at best tactical moves and at worst unfocused rage against notional threats even as we resolutely fail to deal with the actual threats to our position and influence.”
Is Jordan's King calling for a Holy Covenant on the Middle East?
Here's some news that came out before Christmas that I didn't have time to post.
Jordan’s King Rejects Change in Status of Jerusalem, Its Holy Sites
Tens of Thousands of Indonesians Rally Over Trump’s Jerusalem Stance
(Reuters) Jordan’s King Abdullah on Wednesday rejected any attempt to change the status of Jerusalem or its holy sites, and said peace would not come to the region without a resolution of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
In another related headline we read,
Palestine’s Abbas Says U.S. Jerusalem Decision ‘Greatest Crime’
(Reuters) Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas said on Wednesday, the Trump administration’s decision to recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel was the “greatest crime” and a flagrant violation of international law.
And now a week later,
(Reuters) Tens of thousands of Muslims marched from the main mosque in Indonesia’s capital to a square in Jakarta on Sunday to protest against U.S. President Donald Trump’s decision to recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel.
Dennis Edwards: Again we see the Arab's reaction to Trump's decision to move the American Embassy in Israel to Jerusalem. In many posts, I have mentioned the "Peace-Pact" or "Holy Covenant" spoken of in Bible prophecy concerning the last days. Some Bible prophecy experts believe that the Bible foretells of a Holy Covenant before the 2nd Coming of Christ. Speculation about what the Holy Covenant could involve increased when Israel became a nation in 1948. In 1967's Six-Day War Israel gained more territory, while the Palestinians became more frustrated with the world's lack of enforcing UN resolution 242. That resolution promised to form a two state solution with both Jews and Palestinians having Jerusalem as their capital.
Because of the tension over Israel's aggressive stance concerning land areas that were formally Palestinian, many have thought the Holy Covenant might involve a compromise to placate both Israel and Palestine over their differences. The importance of the 7 year Holy Covenant confirmed by many nations, is that it is broken half way through the 7 year period. The breaking of the Covenant and the placing of the Abomination of Desolation in the Temple are the signs Jesus gave for the beginning of the Great Tribulation or sometimes called "Jacob's Trouble." If we are understanding Scripture correctly, the Antichrist is the author or promoter of the Covenant and also he who breaks it. Could Trump's decision to move the American Embassy to Jerusalem be a catalyst to a situation in which a Holy Covenant is deemed necessary and agreed upon by many nations concerned? If so, we could be living in some very exciting and yet very sobering days.
Other articles since Christmas have noted that Trump's decision to embrace Israel's desire for Jerusalem to be it's capitol has moved America away from being able to negotiate a settlement between the Jews and the Palestinians. These articles have noted that Russia is seen by the world in a better position as negotiator because of it's positive action to stop IS in Syria. The Russians are now making a more permanent military/naval base in Syria. So her presence in the Middle East will not diminish and her relationship with Turkey and Iran, two key nations in the famous future Battle of Armageddon or the battle of Ezekiel 38 & 39, continues to be strengthened.
Because of the tension over Israel's aggressive stance concerning land areas that were formally Palestinian, many have thought the Holy Covenant might involve a compromise to placate both Israel and Palestine over their differences. The importance of the 7 year Holy Covenant confirmed by many nations, is that it is broken half way through the 7 year period. The breaking of the Covenant and the placing of the Abomination of Desolation in the Temple are the signs Jesus gave for the beginning of the Great Tribulation or sometimes called "Jacob's Trouble." If we are understanding Scripture correctly, the Antichrist is the author or promoter of the Covenant and also he who breaks it. Could Trump's decision to move the American Embassy to Jerusalem be a catalyst to a situation in which a Holy Covenant is deemed necessary and agreed upon by many nations concerned? If so, we could be living in some very exciting and yet very sobering days.
Other articles since Christmas have noted that Trump's decision to embrace Israel's desire for Jerusalem to be it's capitol has moved America away from being able to negotiate a settlement between the Jews and the Palestinians. These articles have noted that Russia is seen by the world in a better position as negotiator because of it's positive action to stop IS in Syria. The Russians are now making a more permanent military/naval base in Syria. So her presence in the Middle East will not diminish and her relationship with Turkey and Iran, two key nations in the famous future Battle of Armageddon or the battle of Ezekiel 38 & 39, continues to be strengthened.
Friday, December 29, 2017
Unretirement
In his view, Tim Franson utterly failed at retirement.
After 20 years as a high-ranking vice president at drugmaker Eli Lilly, Franson and his wife, Chris, a successful real estate agent, thought they were quietly retiring nearly a decade ago to Bonita Springs, Fla.
For the first month or so, Franson said, he mostly slept. He wasn’t depressed, just mentally and physically exhausted.
Then, “I went crazy,” said Franson. “I’m not very good at sitting around.”
He quickly found himself back at work part time after a friend at a small pharmaceutical company asked him for strategic advice. “Things snowballed from there.”
Today, Franson, 66, consults and works about four days a week, while serving on two for-profit boards and two nonprofit boards.
Welcome to the land of the un-retired–folks who thought they were leaving the work world only to return because they sorely missed something about it, besides the money. These people in their 50s through 80s retired on pensions or savings–or both–but ultimately woke up to the fact there’s more to life than watching Florida sunsets.
This “un-retirement” trend continues to build, according to a 2017 Rand Corp. study showing that 39 percent of Americans 65 and older who are currently employed had previously retired. And more than half of those 50 and older who are not working and not searching for work said they would work if the “right opportunity came along,” the study found.
“We have a mistaken image of life, that you go to school, work for 40 years, then say goodbye to colleagues for the last time and embrace the leisure life,” said Chris Farrell, author of “Unretirement: How Baby Boomers Are Changing the Way We Think About Work, Community and the Good Life.” “That’s not turning out to be the arc of most people’s lives.”
This isn’t about older folks returning to work because they need the dough. This is about older folks returning to work because they miss the challenges, the accomplishments and, most important, the collegiality.
When retirees are asked what they miss most about pre-retirement life, the No. 1 answer is typically colleagues, said Farrell. “What’s constantly underestimated is that work is really a community. It turns out it’s much healthier and more satisfying to work for a bad boss than to sit on the couch and watch TV,” he said.
Franson gets that. Not that it didn’t make perfect sense for him to retire when he did, at age 58. Lilly offered him a year’s pay and a full pension to take early retirement. Franson had prostate cancer while at Lilly–and though the surgery was successful, he said, “that experience makes you sit back and revisit how you want to experience your remaining days.” At the time, his kids were out of college, and he didn’t have any grandkids yet.
Then, life derailed him when his wife, Chris, took ill and died within a few years. Four years ago, he accepted another consulting job in the Indianapolis area to be closer to his children and grandchildren. Franson has no plans to retire from his un-retirement anytime soon.
Her husband, Scott, a longtime American Airlines pilot, retired along with her. Scott adapted quickly and learned to be a potter. It was summer, and Laura spent the next three to four months biking, swimming and treating retirement like a vacation. Some days, she simply sat on her front porch swing.
Then, the weather changed. The cold autumn reminded Caraway that something had to change in her life. So, she started volunteering in Guilford, Conn., with a group that works to uplift academically gifted minority women from disadvantaged communities. That expanded into a part-time, paid position managing the group’s consignment shop.
Caraway was presented with an opportunity to go back–on a short-term contract–to Bristol-Myers Squibb. This encouraged her to send her résumé to Your Encore, a retiree return-to-work program co-created by Lilly, Procter & Gamble and Boeing that matches retirees with employers who need their skills. She landed more contracts to which she can always say “No, thanks” and still have time for yoga class.
“There is life after retirement,” she said. “It’s called work.”
Then, there’s Louise Klaber. She retired at age 65 from a 20-year career in organizational development–but is now working again at age 81.
In 2001, the former New Yorker thought she was living the dream when she arranged to retire to New York City with husband Ralph Walde, a college professor.
Sept. 13 was moving day into their apartment on New York’s Upper West Side. But as the horrific events of 9/11 unfurled, they found they were living in a state of shock. Within weeks, they were both signed up to do volunteer work helping prepare meals for the 9/11 site workers. Their shift: 8 p.m. to 6 a.m., chopping squash, carrots and onions. “It made us feel like we were actually doing something to help,” Klaber said.
The prep kitchen shut down shortly after Thanksgiving, and she found part-time paid work assisting people most severely affected by 9/11 find financial aid, mental health assistance or employment. She then contacted ReServe, a national nonprofit that places retired professionals with public service agencies of all sizes, budgets and missions. ReServe linked Klaber with the New York City Law Department, where she has worked part time ever since as an organization development counselor. What drives her isn’t the $10-an-hour pay but the professional camaraderie.
A former marathon runner, Klaber still runs almost daily. That, she said, is an important ingredient for staying healthy–but the work is just as important to her vitality.
When will she finally quit working?
“God only knows,” she said. “I’m having way too much fun.”
Friday, December 15, 2017
The Power of Good Relationships and Thoughts on Building and Maintaining Them
A few months ago, a friend of mine was reflecting about finishing up his master’s degree in social work. He wasn’t so much worried about finding a job, but more concerned that he was really considering all of the opportunities available to him. Should he try to get a doctorate? Should he work in the field? He was even thinking about things like seminary.
I happened to know three people off the top of my head who had master’s degrees in social work, so I contacted all of them and passed along a bunch of general information about my friend. All three of them took the time to give me a really thoughtful response about opportunities they thought might be of interest to him. I just collected all of those responses and passed them back to him, along with the contact information for those who actually suggested that he could follow up with them.
This simple gesture has seemingly opened some doors in his life and put him on a rather interesting path forward, one that was seemingly strongly influenced by the connection I made. I think it’s a good fit for him and his life is going in a great direction.
Here’s another, similar story. A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with an old friend who told me that his contract was ending and he was about to be out of a job. I asked him if he had anything lined up and he said he didn’t, but he did tell me to look out for any opportunities that might fit and that he really wanted to stay in his career path.
So, I spent about half an hour getting ahold of several people that I knew that might be in a position to hire someone with his skill set. Did they have any openings that they knew of that would match up with this guy?
It turned out that one person did know of an opening. I then spoke of my friend’s virtues and passed along that job opportunity. As of right now, he’s in the final interview group and I’d say that his prospects are really strong.
Let me flip that script a bit. A while back, my wife and I decided that we wanted to try using a bread machine. We make our own bread without a machine sometimes, but we wanted to try out a machine for comparison’s sake. We looked in a few secondhand shops and couldn’t find one, so I put out a request to some friends and family members for a bread machine at low cost. We had three offers to be given one within an hour.
In all three of those cases, lives moved in a positive direction–sometimes small, sometimes big–simply because of that person’s social network. Here, I’m simply saying ‘social network’ as shorthand for the set of positive relationships with others that you have in your life, whether strong relationships or weak ones.
Those relationships come in handy almost constantly and in every sphere of life–professionally, personally, socially, financially, and so on. Having good relationships can save you money. They can open career doors. They can provide companionship. They can directly save you money.
For example, imagine that you’re a person who is in charge of a hiring committee. You have two great candidates in front of you, but a friend gave you a glowing verbal recommendation about one of the candidates and asked for a bit of extra consideration for that candidate. That might just be enough to tip the scales in favor of that candidate.
Imagine that you’re new in town. If you have a large social network, there’s a chance that you already know a few people in this town to meet up with and get the lay of the land, or at least you know people who are familiar with the area and can point you to things of interest. This can make all the difference when moving to a new place.
Imagine that you need to use a piece of equipment that you’ll probably use once or twice ever. If you have a large social network, you can likely just ask around and borrow that item from someone. If not, you’re probably buying (or, if you’re lucky) renting it.
These types of situations pop up constantly, and they’re all steered by human relationships. All of these things boil down to two key elements.
One, relationships are built by freely giving to each other. This is because the most valuable way to build a relationship is to help a person with something they need. Maybe it’s just companionship or a social connection. Maybe it’s something that can save that person money. Maybe it can help a career. Maybe it’s a shoulder to cry on at a key moment. Whatever it is, you’re giving something at a moment of need, and reciprocity is not what you’re looking for here. Your goal is to lift their boat. Maybe someday, they’ll be able to lift yours, but if not, is it a big loss?
Two, the best gifts to give in a relationship are ones where it’s low effort for one person but high value for the other. This is really where it’s at. If you can do something easily, in just a few moments or with a small amount of resources, that really helps someone else out and provides them with far more value than that, then that’s the absolute best way to give. (This isn’t to say that high-effort gifts are a bad thing, but they don’t provide quite the same multiplication of value in the world.)
If you want a strong set of personal and professional relationships in your life, learn to give without expecting reciprocation and particularly look for opportunities to give in ways where the value of what they receive is very high.
This is easier said than done, particularly if you’re an introvert as I am. The ability to build relationships and have strong social connections doesn’t always come naturally, and it took me many, many years to figure out how to make it work for myself.
Here’s the routine I follow when it comes to maintaining the relationships I have and building new ones. This routine isn’t a big time commitment and the time I spend on it is deeply personally meaningful. While this routine might seem a bit mechanical to some, the purpose behind it is straightforward: it’s meant to ensure that I keep the relationships in my life healthy and still keep myself open to new ones.
Make a giant list of all people, personal and professional, whose relationship you value and that you want to keep in contact with. Just sit down and make this list somewhere where you can easily reference it. I used Evernote to do this.
To make sure I was making a full list, I went through things like the contact list on my phone, my friends on Facebook, my family tree, and the lists of people who were in various groups and organizations I was a part of. I organized people by last name in order to keep them straight.
The goal here is to simply make a master list of all of the personal relationships you care about and that you genuinely want to maintain. It is so easy to let relationships fall through the cracks, not because you want them to, but because you simply overlook them in your busy life. Part of this whole strategy is to make sure that no longer happens.
Add an item to your to-do list each day to keep in contact with a few people on that list. My goal is to have some sort of meaningful contact with everyone on that list on at least a monthly basis. So, what I’ve done is divide that long list up into 30 separate batches, each one with 4 or 5 people in it, and each day I go to the next batch on that list and ask myself whether I’ve kept in touch with that person in the last month. If I haven’t, I do so.
Let’s stop for a minute and visualize this. I have a long list of relationships that I’ve split up into thirty largely random groups. Let’s say I have five in each of those groups–a total of 150 relationships.
I have on my to-do list each day to “Maintain relationships,” so I go check that list for that day. I see five people there that I should check up on. I go through each one and ask myself if I’ve had meaningful contact with this person in the last month. If not, then I contact that person in some way. Is that person doing okay?
It’s straightforward and takes just a couple of minutes. Some days, I’m really feeling social, so I contact people who are coming up or who I am thinking a lot about lately. When their “turn” comes up, I skip them.
Mostly, this whole thing is just a way to make sure that relationships that are important to me don’t fall through the cracks of a busy life. I don’t want to forget to stay in touch with an old friend or a family member or a really great professional peer or a mentor or a mentee just because my life got busy.
For most of the people on my list, I have a few notes about them that I want to remember. Is there some sort of particular concern I want to follow up on with them? Are they in the midst of a job hunt? Are they dating someone seriously? Maybe they’re struggling with an ongoing illness.
Whatever it is, if I have a particular concern about a person or a good reason to follow up, I make note of that in that long list. The truth is that I usually remember those things, but my memory isn’t perfect and, again, I don’t want people I care about to fall through the cracks of forgetfulness.
If you want to imagine what that looks like, imagine that today I go to my list of relationships and I find five entries:
Alan Abernathy–moving to Boston for new programming job in Jan.
Brenda Boxer–dealing with fibromyalgia; caring for mom with Alzheimer’s
Chloe Carson–trying to get paper published on rice genomics
David Dennis–training to break 3 hour marathon time next spring
Elizabeth Eccleston–having a faith crisis and possibly leaving her church
Right there, I have five people I need to contact and a reminder of the big thing going on in their life. I remember all but one of those things anyway, but it’s good to have them there. I just talked to David a few days ago, so I skip him (I move him to another day, actually). I send a text to two of them, a long email to Elizabeth that I’ve already been thinking about, and I call Brenda because I know she’s going to need to vent a little and prefers talking to typing.
That’s it. It takes just a few minutes, but I’ve checked in on five relationships that are important to me.
If you hear that someone you have a connection with needs help and particularly if it’s something you can provide with relative ease, provide it as quickly and efficiently as possible. Most of my friends don’t need much most of the time–they just want to chat or hang out or maybe borrow a book or something. Usually, though, there are a few friends that find themselves struggling, and that’s when it’s good to jump in and offer help, especially if you can do so in a way that really multiplies value.
For example, recently a friend of mine had a heart attack, so I immediately told them that their children could come to our house after school for as long as needed. I took them to a few activities, too. It wasn’t a big deal to me, but it took a giant load off of their plate.
Another close friend of mine collapsed at work about a month ago with mysterious abdominal pain and was taken to the ER. He had me down as his emergency contact at work, so as soon as I heard, I grabbed my “portable office” and went to the hospital. I couldn’t see him for a while, so I just worked in the waiting room for a couple of hours. He was dismissed later in the day and I drove him home and took care of a few small tasks for him. It actually didn’t interrupt my work day that much, but I was able to really come through for a friend.
I mention both of those recent cases because they illustrate two points. One, I didn’t–and still don’t–expect anything in return from those friends, other than a vague sense that my social network as a whole will probably help me in some ways if something difficult ever happens to me.
Two, what value I had to personally give up was substantially less than the value they received from my effort. It wasn’t a big deal for me to just work in a hospital waiting room instead of my desk at home for a few hours, and it was definitely not a big deal to have a few extra kids at home for a few hours each evening for a few days. On the other hand, having someone jump in to take care of you and help you get home and take care of a few surrounding issues when you’re sick is tremendously valuable, and having someone watch your kids without even having to lift a finger or worry about it right after you just had a heart attack is also tremendously valuable.
Taken together, those two points strongly nudge me toward helping friends and relatives and mentors and mentees and professional peers whenever I can and whenever they need it.
Try to do something once a week to add someone new to your list. In other words, go to some sort of social event or community event where you’re likely to meet new people or have an opportunity to build upon your connection to someone you don’t know well. Make it your goal at that event to really connect with one other person or build a weak connection into a stronger one. Don’t worry about anything else at that event. Try to end your interaction with that new person with some contact information and a genuine reason to follow up, whether it’s to pass along information or to invite that person to another event or something else.
When you get home, follow up with that person. Use the contact information to send some sort of follow-up message pertaining to the event, then add that person to your big list of regular contacts. I usually stick them in about a week down the road so that I’m not waiting too long to follow up again.
Don’t be afraid to prune. You may find that some relationships go into decline. Perhaps that person has intentionally cut you out of their life or maybe your efforts at keeping in touch have been met with little or no response for a while. If that’s the case, it may just be that the other person doesn’t want to maintain a relationship. It’s okay–it happens. When it happens to me, I usually slice that person out of my contact list unless I know there’s an extenuating circumstance.
The thing to remember about this whole strategy is this: it’s a “safety net” to make sure that relationships and connections that are important to me don’t fall through the cracks or die on the vine due to my forgetfulness or lack of effort. I’ve kept a lot of relationships alive due to this effort and it’s made my social network far stronger than it ever has been before and, as was discussed earlier, a strong social network has countless personal, financial, and professional benefits.
This whole system might seem like a chore, but the truth is that I deeply enjoy knowing that there aren’t important relationships in my life withering due to neglect or due to my own forgetfulness, and I actually enjoy keeping up with all of these people in my life.
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
On My Brother's Death
[This is the message I received from my sister December 6th, 2017. My older brother Bill’s death was close and we were praying for him. Dennis]
(Carol, sister to Billy and Dennis wrote) Today Billy has low blood pressure, a fever, and a high heart rate. The hospice person thinks he'll pass away sometime today.
(Dennis) Thank you, Carol. May the Lord have His way. Billy is going to a better place where there is no more death, nor crying, nor pain, where time shall be no more and God shall wipe away every tear from our eyes. Yes, there are tears in Heaven, when we realise the wrongs we've committed, the hurt we are responsible for, the pain we caused others. But God promises to wipe away all those tears, and even promises that we'll remember them no more, for the former things will pass away and He will make all things new. Jesus is our only hope. All life has to offer is ashes and vanity in comparison. Our prayer is and has been that Billy has made his restitution with God, that he has gotten things right as much as possible, that he has kept his faith in Christ Jesus.
We pray for his family, that this time will help them each to reevaluate their lives and the path they are walking and that they may choose to follow God closer, nearer, every day. That they may choose to deepen their relationship with Jesus, strengthen their commitment with God, and further their knowledge of their Savior, Redeemer, Lover and Friend. We pray this all in Jesus' name, for there's none other name under Heaven, given among men, whereby we must be saved, for He is the way, the truth and the life. And whosoever believes on Him shall be saved, for He is the resurrection and the life, and all that believe on Him shall never die, but shall have everlasting life.
That's His promise and it's more sure than anything we can touch or see. And eye has not seen nor ear heard, neither has it entered in to the heart of man the things God has prepared for those that love Him. He is the author and finisher of our faith, the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last. Let us embrace Him, let us draw nigh to Him in these moments of contemplation, these moments of reflection. Let us lift up our hands in praise and thanksgiving that another of His children has returned home. Safe in the arms of Jesus, safe on His gentle breast, there no harm shall meet us, there we shall find sweet rest. In Jesus' name, Amen.
(Dennis) It's God's truth, written in His love letter to us called the Bible. Feed on it and it will bring life, and light, and strength, and hope, and love, and faith, and guidance, and courage, and instruction, and correction and wisdom and all things necessary for here and hereafter.
(Friend) I realize that its God's plan and the cycle of life. But it’s so difficult to understand the pain for those left behind.
(Dennis) Pain is a human experience and it causes us to seek God for release from pain. May those enduring pain seek His face. He has promised to send the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, who will comfort and enable us afterwards to comfort others with the comfort with which we have been comforted by God.
C.S.Lewis wrote a short book about pain. I think it is called, The Problem with Pain. I’ll see if I can find a link to it. It might be worth your read.
(Friend) Yes, I’d like that. I’ll find it on Amazon.
(Dennis) Here's a quote from C.S.Lewis on being vulnerable. He wrote, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round hobbies and little luxuries, avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the caskit or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
(Another Friend) I tried that and my life ended up a mess.
(Dennis) But that is why, if you take that mess to Jesus, He can mend the broken pieces and make them useful for His kingdom. "If your heart is breaking, turn to Jesus. He's the dearest friend that you can know. You will find Him standing close besides you waiting peace and comfort to bestow. (Chorus) Heartaches take them all to Jesus. Go to Him today, do it now without delay. Heartaches take them all to Jesus, He will take your heartaches all away. 2nd verse: There is joy for every troubled sorrow. Sweet release for every bitter pain. Jesus Christ is still the Great Physician, no one ever sought His help in vain. (Chorus) 3rd verse: Jesus understands what 'er the trouble. And He waits to heal your wounded soul. Will you trust His love so strong and tender? He alone can heal your wounded soul. (Chorus) Heartaches, take them all to Jesus, Go to Him today do it now without delay. Heartaches, take them all to Jesus, He will take your heartaches all away." Listen to the song here.
(Dennis) Like the Scriptures say, "All things work together for good to them that love God." The key is for us to learn to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. This is the first commandment, and the second is like unto it, love thy neighbor as thyself. This is what we are here to learn. It's all a process of drawing us closer to our Creator, the one who made us, made this beautiful world, came into it to literally show us the way, and died so that we could freely enter into relationship with Him.
He's the author and finisher of our faith, the beginning and the end, the alpha and the omega, the very "I Am that I Am." If we seek Him with all our heart and mind and soul, and strength, we will find Him and He will come to us and be our Comfort, our Lover, and our Friend. He is the All and All of everything, and anything we put before Him will never satisfy us no matter how much we try.
Spend time talking to Jesus today. Go for a walk by the beach or along a river and as you're absorbing the tranquillity of His creation, talk to Him. Pour out your soul, your complaint and then listen. Let Him talk to you. Pick up your Bible and read some psalms. Then read something from the New Testament and begin to renew your relationship with Jesus through His word. It's a love letter to you.
(Friend) Thank you
(Dennis) Abraham Lincoln said, “In regards to this great Book [the Bible], I have but to say it is the best gift God has given to man.All the good the Savior gave to the world was communicated through this Book. But for it we could not know right from wrong. All things most desirable for man's welfare, here and hereafter, are found portrayed in it.”
(Dennis) Thank you. Death is a great equaliser and a sober moment of reflection. We ask, "What have I done with my life?" "Have I done what God has called me to do?" "Have I loved sufficiently?" "Have I been generous and kind-hearted?" My brother said he had no regrets and was happy for the life he had lived. I think we all want to face death's door in confidence that we have done what we could to make the world a better place, even if only in our small circle of influence. My brother's friend's comments are his greatest testimony. His step-daughter's comments are his greatest testimony. In the later years of his life he was working as a janitor in a grammar school and loved to help the little kids when he could. Although my own relation with my brother was distant from living outside the States for so many years, nevertheless we can see he loved and was loved.
"Ah, sweet mystery of life, at last I’ve found thee!
Ah, at last I’ve found the reason for it all!
Ah, ‘tis love and love alone the whole world yearns for,
And ‘tis love that bids us heed Thy call!"
—Rida Johnson Young (1869-1926), “Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life” (adapted)[1]
Long live love!
Here's another poem by Franklin E. Belden, 1892.
’Tis love that makes us happy,
’Tis love that smoothes the way;
It helps us mind, it makes us kind
To others every day.
Refrain:
God is love; we’re His happy children;
God is love; we would be like Him.
’Tis love that makes us happy,
’Tis love that smoothes the way;
It helps us mind, it makes us kind
To others every day.
This world is full of sorrow,
Of sickness, death, and sin;
With loving heart we’ll do our part,
And try some soul to win.
And when this life is over,
And we are called above,
Our song shall be, eternally,
Of Jesus and His love.[2]
The following are some of the beautiful comments about my brother from the people who knew him the best!
Dearest Aunt Pat and Jillian, words cannot express how sorry for your loss I am 😢. I will always treasure my memories of Christmas Eve with both you and Uncle Mo singing Christmas Carols 🙂. Let’s not forget spinach dip! There was never ever a visit without Uncle Mo making it for me and of course for him, lol. He was such a good man, always so calm and would give the best advice! I’m so thankful to have been able to call him Uncle Mo 😢😘 May he finally be at peace 😢 Please find comfort in the fact that it was so obvious that you both were his pride and joy, he loved you both so much! I will always miss my Uncle Mo 😢
Linda Veit
Dearest Patty and family, My thoughts and prayers have been and will remain with all of you. My heart hurts for all of you during this sad and difficult time, however I know that Mo is now at peace and is resting with our Lord. I will miss my friend and "Yankee Buddy" but have wonderful and special memories as I look back over the many years of our friendship. I will always remember our trip to the original Yankee stadium and will cherish the thoughts and memories of that day with you and Mo. Please know I am here for you and during the difficult times let the Lord hold you in the palm of his hand. My sincere condolences to you, Jillian, Dan, Danny, and all of Mo's family and friends. With sympathy, peace, and love, Linda
Susan Merriam
Dear Patti & Jill and family, We are so sorry for your loss and would like you to know that in the short time we have known Mo and you as our neighbors, Mo definitely left an impact on us with his special sense of humor, his quick smile,witty remarks, and friendly easy style . He was one of a kind and always ready to invite us over to his sports den in the garage to have a beer !! We loved him and you immediately. Please find comfort in your wonderful memories and look to God for your strength in the days ahead . Much love , your neighbors and friends Sue & Carlton Merriam
Wayne Nelson
My sincerest condolences. Bill was a leading brother in our fraternity in Montclair State. He was always there to lend a hand, participate, and help others. A ready smile when he was seemingly always on the verge of a humorous insight, prank, and laughter. May we all leave such memories when we reach the finish line of life. Be at peace, Bill. You will be sorely missed. Wayne Nelson Gamma Delta Chi MSC '70
Bob Piotrowski
Patti, So sorry to hear that Mo has passed away. It's been 5 years, but seems like yesterday, that Mo and I were able to reunite at the Gamma reunion at Tierney's . It was terrific seeing him again and meeting you, the love of his life! After our college years, we were "travel" buddies for a bit. One trip started out to Cooperstown. On the fly, we then added the NFL Hall of Fame in Canton and ended in Saint Louis, visiting his sister, who was in Ohio, on the way back. There were also many trips to the shore. Every time Donna and I leave the Tropicana in AC, I think of Mo! We pass Tony's Baltimore Bar and Grill, where we made a few visits in the pre-casino days. He was a great guy and I have many other fond memories that I will cherish. Rest in Peace Mo....Gamma Brothers Forever! Bob Piotrowski
You can watch the memorial video made of him at this link: William A. Molinski III
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